'The Grameen Bank' - Stanford Supplement - Intellectual Vitality

So this is my essay for Stanford University.
It feels a little rough on the edges but I need some input.
All helpful comments are welcome and thank you in advance.

There are an infinite number of things out there in the world that are interesting and I have only seen and stumbled upon a small amount. This next generation will be facing many projected and unforeseen challenges. In my environmental science class, our teacher is very active in making the environment a better place to live. He is always telling us about these new solutions that people around the world have found.

One of these solved challenges that he showed us was about eliminating poverty with micro loans. The micro loan idea began when Professor Yunus started using it in Bangladesh. The poor in the surrounding area could never obtain loans because they had no collateral. They, however, needed little money to start a small entrepreneurship. Yunus took the chance and loaned some of his money and was surprised at the results. The poor had very high rates of repay. Yunus' idea soon transformed into the Grameen Bank.

Currently, the bank boasts a 97% rate of recovery of loans! Many banks would do anything to have this high of a rate, especially during these rough times. This topic got me thinking of all the good that this would do for developing countries. Not only would everyone be rising in living standards, the countries economies would rise too.

Another curious statistic was that 97% of the borrowers were women. In the environmental class, we learned that the key to ending poverty was rights for women. The Grameen Bank is doing just that. It is giving women the chance to earn their own money and become educated.

This whole subject was very intriguing to me and I have only glanced the surface of the topic.

hmmm well I think it sounds really good so far.
what I would suggest though is talk more about how idea of micro loans is intellectually engaging to you. Maybe focus more on the benefits the loans can bring to well everyone I guess.

I think you can have a stronger ending..
Hehe, I saw Professor Yunus in person.. He was giving a speech on the day of the opening of King Abdullah University of Science and Technology in Saudi Arabia.. he spoke about his experience.. he was very inspiring.. Nice topic choice!

This is for the "Intelectual vitality" essay right.

In my opinon it does not show your 'intelectual vitality' or in other words, desire to learn. This essay simply shows that you find the lessons interesting as you did not develop those ideas nor did you pursue to learn somthing.

Im sorry to say, but in my opinion you simply wrote that I enjoy the enviromental science class because it shows me new things about our world.

My advice is try to put somthing that shows your curiosity or desire to learn.

Best of luck.

Ok, so I had this thought but I wasn't sure if I should include it.

I was thinking about this and how society has corrupted people. These poor people living in some of the most rural places have nothing, yet are able to pay back 97% of the loans they take out.

And so on.