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'My grandfather for me was the best gift' - COMMON APP QUESTION


mukhia08 7 / 22  
Dec 25, 2011   #1
TOPIC: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.[/b]
Anthony Robbins once declared, "Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more".

In my life I've been lucky enough to know what it really means to give, and how important it is to remain grateful and appreciative with the things you have.

They say a grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart. My grandfather for me was the best gift I've ever received from God. He was someone who thought me that you know you've really made it in life when you can give back more than you have.

My grandfather was diagnosed with an incurable brain tumor last year and was told he didn't have much time left, and nine months later, he peacefully passed on; leaving a mark on this world that will never be forgotten.

During this period of time, my grandfather lost his mobility, his mentality and his appetite. But extraordinarily, his eyesight remained perfect. Doctors were mystified as they stared with amazement and wonder at the impossibility of this occurrence. It was pretty much impossible.

About five years ago, my grandfather opened an eye clinic, where he provided complimentary cataract eye surgeries to the public of Indonesia. And till today this clinic is still in operation.

My grandfather has given over a thousand people the ability to see once again. I remember him telling me about this lady of 65 years, who had never seen her grandson. He told me after the surgery had concluded the lady walked around experiencing what it was like to see again she stumbled upon a young man, and she broke down in tears, this was the first time she saw her grandson. And my grandfather couldn't help but shed a tear too as he stood there looking at what he had done.

During my grandfather's time of need I now realize it was those people which he had once helped that kept his eyesight alive. It was as if those individuals represented his own eyes.

Throughout his life my grandfather told me of the importance of giving back, I now see life as an opportunity to... (I URGENTLY NEED A NICE WAY TO END THIS)
Noobzilla 3 / 22  
Dec 25, 2011   #2
Nicely written, but like any essay you have to SHOW HOW IT INFLUENCED YOU IN REAL LIFE. Any example will do. If it were your Grandfathers OWN Personal statement, it rocked. Essay was brilliant, just did not have the key ingredient: you!

Please find the time to check my essay as well:
OP mukhia08 7 / 22  
Dec 25, 2011   #3
thanks for the advice, that is exactly what I was considering. Any suggestions on how to incorporate that into my essay?

Thanks
Noobzilla 3 / 22  
Dec 25, 2011   #4
first of all trip the excess, remove:
In my life I've been lucky enough to know what it really means to give, and how important it is to remain grateful and appreciative with the things you have.

They say a grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart. My grandfather for me was the best gift I've ever received from God. He was someone who thought me that you know you've really made it in life when you can give back more than you have.

and anything else not appropriate.
from my view point, if the essay is moulded to a certian degree, it may look like you have learnt to help others and give back to your own community. mention (if you have any) your desires to one day build a school, hospital, research center. choose according to your major.
OP mukhia08 7 / 22  
Dec 25, 2011   #5
thanks again, but i really need help with the moulding part, i have to write about me but i don't know how to incorporate it into my essay. can someone please help me out?


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