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'my grandfather's bicycle' - COMMON APP ESSAY


futurecolumbian 2 / 5 1  
Nov 22, 2012   #1
Pens, books of medicine, piles and piles of notepads, an old and battered pair of glasses; these were the numerous things that were always present on his bed, aligned neatly on the right side. Anyone who saw this strange sight would offer to help him move these things to the side table that was present right beside his bed, but he wouldn't budge. "Does it bother me to sleep beside all this clutter? Pish posh!", he would always say. Now that I pass by his bed, covered with freshly laundered sheets, I could just feel the amount of irritation he would've felt seeing all his beloved things removed from their rightful places.

My grandfather remains to this day the most unique and wonderful person I have ever met in my life. People say that their grandmother is the best cook in the world, but I consider myself lucky to be able to say that my grandfather is the best cook in the world. He would always make me and my sister's favorite dishes and send them over to our house. If anyone of us ever fell sick, even a slight head cold, we would be sure to see him come and visit us. Of course it was always funny to see him and my mother together. He was always under the impression that my mother didn't feed me properly as I'm quite thin, hence all the food sent to our house. And as for his relationship with my dad, well that is something I cannot put into words. They were more than just a son and a father, they were best friends.

I t was a cold and gloomy morning, November rain pattering against the windows. Running my hands over my grandfather's bicycle I was inundated with a flood of memories. 5:30 a.m. This was the exact time he would reach home from the hospital where he worked and then would give my sister and I individual rides on his bicycle. We would sit at the back while he rode once all around the whole neighborhood. This memory is one of my most cherished memories of my childhood. Regardless of how tired he was after work, he would be sure to give us rides on his bicycle just to see the smiles on our faces. Everyone in our neighborhood looked up to him; whether they needed a doctor's opinion on something, or whether they needed a cup of sugar, my grandfather would always be the first person they would turn to.

My grandfather may be a lot of things, having many qualities which I sadly do not have, but he has managed to teach me a few crucial lessons in life. Being diagnosed at the last stage of his lung-cancer, he tried to be as modicum dependent on others as he could. Dignity; this is the word that perfectly describes my grandfather and the thing that he managed to uphold till the day he died. I learned from him the acts of generosity and respect, things which will ultimately help us leave a mark behind in this world and that is exactly what he did. It's been months since he has died and even now his presence is felt in the everyday lives of all the people he has ever touched.
LSC33 1 / 1 1  
Nov 22, 2012   #2
I found this paper very touching but I do not want to just tell you your paper is amazing. That would be no help. So I believe that you should add in more of his influences on you. Instead of mutiple memories you should focus on one memory that has helped shaped you today. I love love love your introduction. I just think if it is possible to add one memory that you find has influenced you in a positive way. I hope this helps Good luck!
mcig - / 7 2  
Nov 22, 2012   #3
This is the common app essay about a person who influenced you right?

College Essays are about you not your grandfather. All I see is an essay about your grandpa and maybe 3 sentences about how he affected you. Cut short some on Grandpa and talk about how his legacy and impact made you an improved person. You should have AT LEAST (typically your last) one paragraph dedicated to how this person's influence changed you.

From this touching story about your grandpa, I can't tell anything about you except how he taught you generosity and respect, and you don't even elaborate on that generosity and respect.
nounoub21 3 / 11 1  
Nov 22, 2012   #4
I think what sounds great is I can tell its very personal, but I do agree that you should put more of yourself. Maybe in the beginning talk about a discussion between you two or something involving both of you. Also, once you mention a quality of your grandfather, say how you have showed that through something.
OP futurecolumbian 2 / 5 1  
Nov 22, 2012   #5
Thank you guys for your suggestions! I'll keep the introduction and decide on one memory to focus one. This helped me a lot! :)
Soccer13 2 / 4  
Nov 22, 2012   #6
To make it more personable maybe talk about how your grandpa's influence caused you to (whatever you intend to do in college) and then make sure you try to relate that back to one specific memory that you two shared with each other. and maybe tie your conclusion back to your intro and say something like "and when i see all of his stuff on the right side of his bed i feel his presence and think about all the lives he's touched


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