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"My Grandfather, focusing on health of others" - Common App Essay- Influencial Person


wooleyj 4 / 17  
Oct 19, 2010   #1
**Any input on the ending would be appreciated!!**

We walked along the narrow trail, just my Grandpa and I, the long green grass rustling at our feet and the trees bending over, shading the bright June sun. This was our favorite place, in the hollows of the Appalachian Mountains. He pointed to a small insignificant seeming flower at the edge of the path. "Lady's Slippers" he said in his deep, shaky voice. I was amazed that all though he was 87 years old, his eyesight was so sharp. We continued along, searching for more hidden plant life.

As far back as I can remember, my grandfather, Arthur was a very important part of my family. Born in England in 1914, his soldier father was killed in France during the First World War just months before the treaty was made. This affected him very much and growing up in post-war England, he was always committed to non-violence. Grandpa trained as a pharmacist and joined the Peace Pledge Union but when the Second World War was declared much to his disappointment most of his friends who were involved in the PPU joined the military but Grandpa did not want to participate in the war, so he left England in 1943 on a ship bound for Paraguay, through submarine infested waters to work at a hospital in the jungle that served the indigenous GuaranĂ­ Indians. Besides making the medicines, he would spend time in the jungle studying the flora. My grandfather would send samples of flowers he found to Kew Gardens in London and the New York Botanical Gardens. He met and married my grandmother, who was a midwife at the same hospital and twenty years later, they returned to England, and much later, moved to the states.

These experiences of living in a South America obviously made a big impact
on him. He had since passed away but I learned from Grandpa some very important lessons of life. "Live simply so that others can simply live", a famous quote from Mother Theresa that best describes him. Grandpa always had great compassion for the poor and made sure that I never forgot how lucky we were to have the food and clothes we needed and that we had and obligation to use our abilities to help people much less fortunate then myself. From his love of plants had grown concern for the environment and that caring for the environment and everyone around us were one in the same. He taught me to respect the plants growing in the forest, that even the smallest human action, like walking through the woods, can have a huge effect on the ecosystem. Now I can't walk through the woods or past a flower with out thinking of him.

Grandpa is one of the inspirations of why I want to pursue a degree in public and international health. He constantly challenged my way of thinking "with the crowd" and act on what I felt was right, even if it was unpopular. I feel that focusing on the health of others is best way I can serve the world.

faby - / 2  
Oct 19, 2010   #2
i love how this almost feels like a fiction piece.

after "just my Grandpa and I" in the first line put a semicolon. something to show that there needs to be a longer pause there.

now that you discussed you reason for wanting to study this put why you want to study this at the school you're applying to and how you will use your degree in and for your future career.

work on some punctuations

other than that, great paper! :)
OP wooleyj 4 / 17  
Oct 20, 2010   #3
Illegal immigration is a complex problem facing our country today, but at Casa Juan Diego I was faced with people who were suffering terribly. I realized that regardless of how they had arrived there, my most important task was to respond to their immediate need. The urgency of their situations still drives my passion to reenter this field as a trained professional, to continue to work towards a solution
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,337 129  
Oct 23, 2010   #4
Born in England in 1914, his soldier father was killed in France during the First World War just months before the treaty was made.

You have to change this so that it sounds like HE was born in 1914, not his father:
Born in England in 1914, he had a father who was killed in France during ....
(The verb of the sentence has to be something he does because of that phrase with which you begin the sentence.)

He had has since passed away, but I learned from Grandpa some very important lessons of life.

If you can make room by cutting out some sentences from the first half of the essay, I think it will be great if you can lengthen that conclusion and really give a meaningful discussion of your outlook on the future. Get very precise about what you want to do in the next few years, and lengthen that conclusion.

:-)


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