This is the first quick write up of my essay for the peace corps. The prompt is basically "why I want to be in the corps and why I would be good at it."
My main concerns with the essay is flow. I am not sure if it jumps across topics too quickly. I know there is some problems with grammar. I am concerned that I may come off as fake and/or full of it.
My grandfather taught me a lot about the world. The most memorable thing he ever said was, "One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching." That has always stayed with me as a reason to live for something more than myself. This has been highly influential on my life, from my career path as a teacher to my current application of the Peace Corps. The peace corps I believe has the same philosophy as me, to never accept the status quo but to change it!
I want to join the corps to work with new people and experience new cultures. I get frustrated seeing calls for help and not able to do more than offer alms to charity collectors or signing petitions. I spend my spare time improving skills that would make me a better teacher, from language to leadership skills. As a full time student I work three jobs a semester to improve time management skills and volunteer with youth to increase my patience & tolerance.
My grandfather taught me to improve the world and that is exactly what I intend to do. I have studied abroad because I love meeting new people and putting myself in new situations breaking lingering concepts of normal. I was taught to never accept the ordinary and I have vowed to never do so. I could go directly into a home life, by settling down, getting a local job teaching high school. Some of the greatest memories I have are meeting new people and participating in cultures and customs other than my own.
I understand what the corps is asking of its' volunteers, but I have done it. The corps is looking for people willing to leave behind not only friends & family but their culture. I have studied in several other countries, and integrated into the culture; from shouting to a waiter in a local Chinese restaurant to being comfortable to suck the eyes out of a fish at a Japanese restaurant with my host family.
I recognize the corps is not offering a vacation and look forward to the challenges, fruits and labors of the endeavor. I earned my Eagle Scout rank at sixteen and have experience volunteering long hours in the sun and joys of seeing a project well done. I have the leadership qualities asked of the corps in working with people, resolving conflict and managing time & resources.
I am Madison Rockwell Hanks. I believe that I can do more than do what the Peace Corps ask but that I can do it well. I have the sound judgment and facilities to be the responsible person the Peace Corps is looking for. I have an education that revolves around the idea of teaching with new and creative methods that focus on putting the student first. Above all else I am a friend, whom can be trusted and counted on.
Hi, I really enjoyed your essay and thought it was well written. Here are a few suggestions. In the sentence "The peace corps I believe has the same philosophy as me, to never accept the status quo but to change it!" I would first off make sure you always keep Peace Corps capitalized secondly I would not end the sentence with an exclamation mark. My other big suggestion is to take an expectation and explain how you will have a difficult time overcoming it. It will add a more human element to your essay. Finally, I would take out the statement "I am Madison Rockwell Hanks." They know who you are you had to fill out a really long application and this statement does not add anything to your essay. I hope you found this helpful. If you could give me some feedback on my Peace Corps Essay, I would appreciate it.
Consider following ideas/questions:
- what do you want to do at Peace Corps? Be specific - let them know that you are updated with situation around the world
- what difficulties will you face, when moving to another country? are you aware of them?
- ending isn't as strong as it should be ... make them feel, how irreplaceable you are!
My grandfather taught me a lot about the world.----I would hope so... seems like an ordinary thing. This does not make it an interesting beginning for an essay. Scratch that sentence out and start here:
The most memorable thing my grandfather ever said was, "One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching."
...love meeting new people and putting myself in new situations breaking lingering concepts of "normal."---Ah, very good, quirky people are the best people. And you owe your quirky unconventionality to your grandfather. Notice that I added " " marks to that word normal.
I understand what the Corps is asking of its' volunteers, but I have done it. The Corps is looking for people willing to leave...---I think that is the best way. Because you are shortening the name of it.
You will definitely be one of the most impressive applicants... I hope you have a great experience in the Peace Corps and discover what you best and love to do most.