Tell me what you think! This is an essay I will submit for my common application. Any advice is definitely welcomed. Thank you :)!
My grandmother was forced to be a righty. Her parents thought that it was abnormal to be left-handed. I too am left-handed, but my parents never forced me to switch.
Through the years, I've wondered about the power of nature versus nurture. My younger brother and I have the same parents; we were raised together and grew up in the same home. We dealt with similar obstacles but reacted to them differently. The manner in which we coped with stressful situations, I believe, was determined by our nature.
I wonder if I would still be me if I grew up in an entirely different place. Growing up in Edgemont, I have been profoundly influenced by my peers. Many of my friends have been talking about their future careers since middle school. I initially enjoyed predicting my future and was excited to begin my work as a chef. This dream soon faded when I wanted to become an orthopedist. My scoliosis was the catalyst for that change. Now I dream about a career in marketing. I have become interested in branding and am excited to enter that world some day.
While many of my friends were forced into activities, I was the primary caretaker of my extracurricular schedule. My mom has always worked long hours, and my father has been battling multiple sclerosis since I was a toddler. As a result, I took control of my life at an early age. After hearing about an art class at a nearby village, I asked my parents for the tuition to enroll. I have extended my artistic perspective by creating my own clothes, morphing old clothing into new items. Taking greater ownership of my life has allowed me to develop into a more complete individual.
My parents tell me that I've always been resilient, even as a baby. Having new nannies never bothered me. This ability to take things in stride has allowed me to be a proactive person who doesn't dwell on the minutia.
I have evolved through the years. While my many of my classmates continue to obsess with their futures, I am focused on the present. I place people first and have used my drive to help build empowering clubs at my high school and synagogue. I have been an active member of my school's Gay-Straight Alliance since my freshman year and believe everyone should be treated with respect and dignity, doing my best to promote equality.
Like my grandmother, I strive to make the people in my life happy. However, unlike her, when I'm uncomfortable with a situation, I always speak up. Toward the end of her life, I noticed that she began using her left hand. While my grandmother was forced by the powers of nurture to become a righty, her instincts returned her to her natural state.
Through my grandmother, I've come to understand the incredible power of nature. I recognize my inherent strengths and am excited to explore them in the coming years.
its really good. I enjoyed it.
I like what you're going with, but the ideas felt disjointed while I was reading, and more like a list of accomplishments and characteristics than insight into who you are. You don't cover your ideas and beliefs on Nature vs. Nurture very extensively, and I think that would be a great topic to expand on. It seems like you are trying to convey your naturally individualistic spirit, which would come across better if you didn't explain that you took your extracurricular activities in hand because your parents were too busy. Perhaps emphasize your desire to participate in certain activities, and your ability to follow through and make it happen.
I like the concept of nature vs nurture, but you don't put that very clearly across in your essay. I would emphasize that point more, and try to relate what you've said about yourself to that main idea. Right now it's more of a general description of yourself than a united and focused essay.
Like the others, I like your topic:nature vs. nurture. That would be unique and attractive. I think you should focus on this topic more instead of developing too many things which do not have a close connection with this topic. You'd better focus on one or two things and elaborate them deeply. In addition, if you write more about your insights, the essay will be more profound.