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My grandmother's struggles in the Philippines- Cornell CALS Prompt


CUJill /  
Oct 28, 2010   #1
Hi, I'm new to this essayforum and I would love if anybody could give me feedback on my essay for Cornell's Development Sociology major The deadline is approaching quickly, so any and all suggestions will be helpful. I'm willing to give my own essay suggestions in return.

Prompt: How have your interests and related experiences influenced your selection of major?
Major: Development Sociology

My grandmother does not fit the typical "grandma" mold. Unlike the stereotype, she refuses to bake cookies and pies and instead prefers take-out. She has never had an urge to "settle down" in a suburban town; instead, she chooses to live in a crowded apartment in Chicago's North Side. Although unconventional, I admire her youthful demeanor and appreciate the countless stories she tells me about her life in the Philippines.

As a Filipino immigrant, my grandmother loves sharing stories about her hometown, Mindanao. As a young child, I would sit at her feet in the living room while she painted scenes of lush, tropical forest in my mind as she described trees ripe with tamarinds and other exotic fruit.

It was not until I turned seventeen that my grandmother chose to share with me the reality of life in the Philippines, a life of poverty and violence. The images of a lush and prosperous village were soon replaced with images of thatched roofed huts repaired with sticks and cardboard. Children stayed at home or helped their parents at work; Education was minimal. Vagrants roamed the village, and my grandmother felt a pang of fear each time she stepped outside her home. But these vagrants were not my grandmother's biggest fear. Falling ill was much worse. Without health care, my grandmother was forced to rely on her immune system to conquer her sickness.

Upon returning to upstate New York from my vacation to Chicago's North Side, I felt a new appreciation for the social services of education and health care. Furthermore, I felt compelled to understand exactly how Mindanao had became the city of crime and poverty my grandmother described.

For this reason, I see myself as a perfect fit in the CALS major of Development Sociology. Hearing about my grandmother's hardships has ignited a desire in me to understand the principles of social life. My academic interest to explore methods of creating effective social policy closely aligns with the CALS commitment towards alleviating social problems on both local and global spectrums.

I know that as a Cornell student, I will spend my next four years fervently working towards understanding and creating solutions to today's social issues. Whether I partake in undergraduate research focused on upstate New York with sociologists such as Robin Blakely or choose to expand my horizons through creating more sustainable communities throughout the Philippines, I realize that Cornell's Development Sociology major can provide me with every possible opportunity I desire to explore and satisfy my passions and curiosities.

It is my hope that when I am a grandmother, I too will sit my grandchildren down on the living room floor to share my life's stories; but instead of relaying stories of despair and dismay, I will share stories of hope that were achieved through my years spent creating social change as a result of my studies at Cornell University.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 3, 2010   #2
Hey, welcome ot EssayForum. I wish you had not been forced to wait so long before getting a response. We are very busy this time of year. If you go help other people and ask them to look at your essay, that is the best way to drive traffic to your thread. :-)

I think the first and last paragraphs need to be longer! They are the ones that send a message to the reader. What is the main message to the reader?

... has ignited in me a desire to understand the...---just an idea for you, a subtle change.

Wow, I like the ending! Every time I started to think of a way to criticize your writing, I had to stop, because the sentences are so well constructed. And you get pretty specific about what you want to do. That is great. You can make it a little better by naming 3 or 4 goals for your first year at this school... goals related to your career in developmental soc.

:-)


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