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"Graphic design" - UC Personal Statement Prompt 2 - Illustration of Talent


mintpanda 1 / 1  
Nov 7, 2010   #1
Hi everyone, I'd really like to know your responses towards my personal statement. Please be honest, thank you! (:

Prompt: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

Essay:
Sitting at my desk with the light emanating from the overworked computer screen, I am gazing at the by-product from hours of extensive dedication. As I was faced with the fabrications of my mindset on a mere screen, realization washed over me. My creation retained much more than creativity; all the components of my knowledge, perseverance, and devotion were imperative to comprise this digital artwork. To me, graphic design has been a compilation of not just art, but a significant symbol of my ambition and self discovery.

Not everyone in this world is blessed with a talent; I certainly did not regard myself as one of those fortunately gifted individuals. Graphic design did not come to me naturally as do talents for others; my skills were obtained through time and persistence. Designing initially engrossed me at the young age of thirteen; I first acquired an eyeful of the process of design from the alluring images it produced through everyday ads and depictions online. As I became more curious of this unique hobby, I yearned to recreate the enticing illustrations. However everyone in my life was as unaware of the elaborate procedure of Photoshop as I was. Even so, I was determined to learn how to use this program and solve the enigma even if it meant venturing this endeavor by myself. I began self-teaching the techniques of Photoshop and learning the uses of the many intricate options and tools. Instantaneously, this began my growing ambition; I was obstinate to not only finish what I started but become one of the best.

Now it has been four years of pure investment of time, effort, and perseverance; I can clearly see the validity of my development. I no longer struggle with Photoshop's complexities, it naturally flows. For me, art is not just two dimensional; it transforms, inspires, and speaks; thus I wanted to utilize these ideals to benefit my society. School has been an opportunity for me to contribute to several academic clubs by creating t-shirts, flyers, and other designs for support and promotion. I have also designed t-shirts to fundraise for YMCA children's community centers; the past three years in doing so has raised over $3,000. Applying my abilities for philanthropic uses are more rewarding than any prize conceivable. From these experiences, I want to continuously apply myself to do something altruistic for those I know, those I have not yet met, and those I may never meet.

Although I am able to assist in such organizations, I still strive for improvement. Only with effort and fortitude can I reach my full potential, and that is the one aspiration that is truly paramount for me. I have the confidence and determination to pursue all goals with every ounce of my being because I positive I will achieve them. From the pursuit to learn graphic design, I am certain that like the momentary blank canvas of Photoshop, my future too holds prolifically unbounded possibilities. I am a reservoir of limitless potential.
steffistephani 1 / 1  
Nov 7, 2010   #2
Here are my opinions:
1. I like your introduction. It's strong and stands out.
2. You need to show, rather than tell. Do not just mention this and that. Show how do you have all that.
3. Do not list all the achievements you have. Instead, I think you need to explore more in depth, rather than in quantity of achievements. Tell more about the YMCA, do not only mention it. It is better to just delete it if you cannot develop more about it.

That's my suggestion. I'm also working on my UT-Austin personal statement. I would be glad if you could take a look of it. Thanks. Good luck!
kimp9 1 / 4  
Nov 15, 2010   #3
I like it :) Just don't get carried away with big words. Keep it personal and make sure you're speaking about yourself. Like steffistephani said, make sure you really get in depth about your achievements, these people want to know about you, not just the things you've done. I say if you can't fit any more elaboration on your achievements, get rid of a few and concentrate on one :) Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 16, 2010   #4
'm not exactly sure how to "show" in my essay, especially since it's only 500 words ><

Well, I think you do a good job of showing, because the whole essay is about an example of a proactive undertaking that is quite impressive.

I began self-teaching the techniques of Photoshop and learning the uses of the many intricate options and tools. ----This is SHOWING. Telling is when you make a lot of unsubstantiated claims about being determined, creative, etc. But this whole essay is an exposition of a real accomplishment that was only made possible by your seriousness and determination.

:-)


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