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About gratitude I have learned (common application main essay)


thcays 1 / 4  
Dec 13, 2009   #1
Dear friends:
I need your help. This my essay for common application's main essay. I will appreciate any opinion.

For the last time to go to church, I played Canon in D in guitar version during the service. I was not a Christian and didn't believe in any religion, but I spent every Sunday morning of my exchange student life in the church.

The song started with very slow and gentle melody. Each chord was fully echoing. Then the rhythm became faster and the melody ran smoothly. It reminded me of the situation of my first time came to this church.

On my first time to a service, I could hardly understand a word from pastors. I did all I can to copy everyone else's action. When pastors asked people to stand up and sing the gospel, I stood up and strived to follow the tunes. When pastor was delivering a sermon, I could only look at the pastor and imagine his words. After the service, I stood with my host parents when they were introducing me to their friends. When people asked me if I was a Christian, I was embarrassed because I was afraid to be judged differently. But when I told them I did not believe in any religion, they still gave me big smiles and showed warm welcome. "I am so glad that you are here" are the words I heard in most of time in church. I simply liked this amiable atmosphere.

As the song reached its climax, the melody repeated the refrain over and over again, so joyful that I closed my eyes. It reminded me of all the experiences shared with this church.

I kept going to church every Sunday with my host parents, and I was the only person in the church who was not a Christian. I cherished all the experiences to be a Christian and tried to make the most out of them. If I had not volunteered to wash dishes and worked with others in the church kitchen on the Wednesday night supper, I would not realize that there was also collectivism in this individualistic society. Without helping out with Sunday school lessons to the kindergarten kids, I would not be familiar with all the Christmas and Easter stories. And only after I did my Chinese culture and religion research and delivered a speech in church, I found out the similarities between Chinese and American culture. All those experiences helped church people and I know each other better, and I was grateful to have all these chances. I got along well with all the people and I cherished the knowledge I had learned.

After all the sermons I have listened and talked with pastors, I realized more about Chinese and American culture. In the sermon on Christmas and Easter day, the theme was to be thankful to Jesus, to everything that is good. Confucius also told his student to be thankful to nature and society. By comparing the words from Jesus and Confucius, I realized that both of them wanted people to be truly thankful. Before, I thought I should only be grateful to those big benefactors, like somebody who saved my life. However, later I found out that there are a lot more to thank. I should be thankful to all the good weather, to river running free, and simply to be alive to enjoy the world. Many people spent too much time striving to be successful, and they simply forgot that successes are from the supports of others. Although it was good to work hard, we would lose the basic human emotion if we did not stop and be thankful to what we had been given. During the one year in church as a foreigner, an atheist, I learned to be grateful. I am thankful to the church for bringing me knowledge about Christianity, about American culture, and about being grateful.

The post climax repeated over and over again, like it would never come to an end. Suddenly, the rhythm slowed down and melody was the same as the one from the beginning. It indicated another cycle and my gratitude should never end.
melb 2 / 10  
Dec 14, 2009   #2
Just a suggestion, but I think you should capitolize Pastor if you don't put the article "the" in front of it. Example: When refering to the earth we capitalize 'Earth' when 'the' is missing. Otherwise we refer to it as 'the earth'. The same is true with 'Pastor' or 'the pastor'
OP thcays 1 / 4  
Dec 14, 2009   #3
Thanks Melissa: I did not notice that.
by the way, What do think about this essay. Is it a good theme?
melb 2 / 10  
Dec 15, 2009   #4
I would say gratitude is never a bad theme. I can tell the paper was written by a foreigner because your English has an international flavor. Not too bad, though.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 15, 2009   #5
Last time I went to churc h, I played Canon in D in guitar version during the service.

Good insights here!
If I had not volunteered to wash dishes and worked with others in the church kitchen on the Wednesday night supper, I would not have realized that there was also collectivism in this individualistic society. Without having helping out with Sunday school lessons to the kindergarten kids, I would not be familiar with all the Christmas and Easter stories.
OP thcays 1 / 4  
Dec 15, 2009   #6
Thank you Kevin, good mention there,
I guess there are some other problems caused by my international flavor.
I have to work on them.
hiddenoasis 1 / 7  
Dec 15, 2009   #7
The post climax repeated over and over again like it would never come to an end. Suddenly, the rhythm slowed down, and the melody was the same as the one from the beginning. It indicated another cycle, and my gratitude should never end. edited punctuation, last sentence is a bit awkward. maybe say, "It indicated another cycle, and with it, my gratitude should never end.

interesting essay, good theme.
will somebody PLEASE read my essay!? please? =]
OP thcays 1 / 4  
Dec 16, 2009   #8
Thanks for mention that, Katie.
I am still working on other awkward sentences.
I will read your essay.


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