(great libraries / engaging classes) - Santa Clara

Briefly describe how you learned about Santa Clara University. (1000 characters max)I grew up in Santa Clara and left there when I was fourth grade. When I think of Santa Clara University, my childhood memories come back to me. I remember as a child, I often heard the term SCU, and all I knew about it was that it was a great university. In junior year, I researched about universities. I had a strong impression on Santa Clara, because of its great location. It was a clean, pristine campus located in the heart of Silicon Valley. The more I researched, the more I was impressed by the student life and academic environment and traditions. I talked to my brother about SCU, who is applying for fall 2012, too. He is able to visit the campus more often and tell me about his visits to SCU. He described to me SCU's tops security and new great libraries. (770)

What aspects of Santa Clara make it one of your top choices? (800 characters max)Classes are engaging and exciting. Professors encourage students to explore their personal interests and goals. I can imagine myself in SCU, engaged in every class. I can imagine myself passionately integrating and learning about different cultures through SCU's study abroad programs. And last, I can imagine myself privately talking to professors and asking why they chose SCU. SCU has an atmosphere that no other school has. The school is a close-knit community where students are involved and can receive personal attention from professors easily. I can see myself participating in the SCCAP advocating my opinions and promoting social justice. As a prospective student, I hope to contribute to SCU by taking action to improve the society, such as helping kids and creating a green environment. (798)

Essay #1:
I think the last sentence of this essay is pretty weak. The end of the essay should describe your passion about SCU or why you would be a great student there, not listing great stuff there. In fact, you shouldn't mention the "top security and new great libraries" unless you explain exactly why they are significant to you.

In junior year, I researched about universities. I had a strong impression on Santa Clara, because of its great location.
These two sentances are choppy. I would merge them into one sentace so they say something like:
When I researched universities my junior year, Santa Clara made a stupendous impresson on me becuase of its great location.

I really like how you mention that you grew up knowing the name of Santa Clara, you could definitely talk about that a little more. It's a great essay.

Essay #2:
You need a more engaging opening sentence, becuase this one doesn't captivate my attention at all. The admissions office will want to see your enthusiasm for Santa Clara practically jump off the page, so don't be afraid to show a little more personality.

Professors encourage students to explore their personal interests and goals. I can imagine myself in SCU, engaged in every class. Again, join these sentanecs together for a smoother read:

Because the professors encourage students to explore and create new interests, I can imagine myself eagerly sitting in class, engaging in every discussion.
Somthing like that.

Will you give me your opinion on my Tufts essays? I already submitted them, but I will probably use some for other colleges. Thanks! Good Luck on your apps