Can you please grade my essay, give feedback, and tell me how it is overall. This only has to be one paragraph. The college said that the paper does not have to be the traditional 5 paragraph essay since it is on 250 words or less. Thanks.
Question: Why are you interested in Illinois Institute of Technology? (250 words or less)
I was continuously searching and searching for notable universities in Illinois that would suit my choice of going into pre-med. Finally, I saw it. IIT, a school not only filled with intellectual, open-minded students and staff but also programs great for pre-medical studies. I was intrigued by the facts and decided to apply to IIT.
IIT has endless opportunities for students who want to study medicine. I am exuberant to take courses that not only incorporate medical techniques and skills, but also how technology is incorporated to provide efficient, live-saving procedures. Courses such as anatomy, pathology, psychology, critical thinking in public health, and communication help teach vital skills necessary to become a good physician. Subsequently, I am interested in joining AMSA IIT. This organization would help me learn more about the different paths of medicine, the tips and tricks of becoming successful in medical school, and proper communication with patients and their families. Also, I will make new friends who have the same aspirations I have. Finally, I know that IIT has affiliations with many schools and hospitals. IIT has partnered with Rush Medical Center and Midwestern University ensuring that best learning, hands on experience. My cousin who went to IIT told me that the school has many opportunities for students who are interested in pursing a major in anything.
Hearing all the programs and organizations IIT has to offer, I am ready to join the IIT community and take advantage of the opportunities provided there.
Hello, I am no expert on essays as I am also an applying student but from a fresh point of view I noticed a few things that read kind of odd to me.
First of all, If I were you I wouldn't describe things about the school in general. It reads as if you're telling the univesity what they have to offer, but you want to go for more describing what you like about their programs instead. Also, I would suggest wording out acronyms, at least the first time you use them in the essay. I am personally not great on grammar but I would also suggest looking over your sentence structure and using some better vocabulary in some parts.
I would word a sentence like this differently:
"Courses such as anatomy, pathology, psychology, critical thinking in public health, and communication help teach vital skills necessary to become a good physician"
I'm not saying this is the best way to write this, but it might sound better as something along the lines of:
"On of my favorite aspects about this institute is that you offers some of the most thoroughly taught courses which are vital to my interest and understanding in the field I am looking to go into."
So basically, it works more towards answering the question rather than describing to them what they already know.
In general I think your points are solid, basically stating that you fell in love with the programs they offer and the community, etc. but I think you could word it a lot better towards what the question is asking. I would also expand more on your cousin who goes there because if you do it right that can be a solid point in the essay, but just saying how your cousin goes there and told you about something you like isn't as powerful as it potentially could be.
Hope this helps, good luck man.
Arjun, since the instruction is that you have to provide a statement, not an essay of 250 words or less, I believe that we can actually cut down on the content of your essay in order to focus it in information that will be of true interest to the reviewer. I am looking at requesting you to develop more about this specific part:
I am interested in joining AMSA IIT which would help me to learn more about the different paths of medicine, the tips and tricks of becoming successful in medical school and proper communication with patients and their families. Also, I will make new friends who have the same aspirations as I have
However, I would have you delete the part of the response that explains how joining the organization will help you learn tips and tricks, proper communication, etc. As much as possible try not to present generic information about the organization to the reviewer. Instead, look up the organization online and find something about it that resonates with you as a future student and doctor. Why are you really looking forward to joining that organization which in the process, created your interest and desire to study at the Illinois Institute of Technology?
The sole focus of your essay should be on joining AMSA IIT for very specific reasons. The beginning and end of your essay, don't really offer any information leaned towards that end result so it will need to be revised. Open the statement with an interest in AMSA IIT and then end it with your looking forward to having the opportunity to join the organization.
Remember the essay does not have to be 250 words. That is the maximum count, but you are not really expected to hit that mark. The shorter and more direct to the point your essay is, the better chances you stand of having a response that will easily be remember and stand out for the reviewer.
- I was continuously searching and searching
- Finally, I sawfound it.
- I was intrigued by thewith these facts
- students who wantaims to study medicine.
- This organization wouldwill help me
- are interested in pursing a major in anythingany aspects .
- HearingWith all the programs and organizations
- advantage of the opportunities provided therein your institution .
Arjun, reason being this paper on a restricted word count is that it will only take a few sentences for you to justify why you choose the IIT to be your institution in continuing your academic career. Overall, the essay is written well, just a few revision on the words used and verb tenses. For future reference, when a word is an ongoing or denotes future action it should take the present tense of the verb.
I wish you the best of luck!!!
