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Great study environment; Exchange student study statement


StrikerRyan 1 / -  
Jan 20, 2014   #1
***Direction: Write a concise statement of your proposed program of study abroad and how it will be related to your present academic program. Also describe the personal benefits you expect to receive from the program.

Study Statements should be typed in the space below and no longer than 250 to 500 words. Once complete, please upload your Study Statement to be included with your online application.

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With great enthusiasm and interest, I'm applying in writing for the position of exchange student in Fall 2014 semester at ABC university . I firmly believe that the attractive opportunity offered by xxxx can truly help me both in enhancing my academic study and expanding my horizon. I made up my mind to go abroad for further study after I completed mandatory military service in Korea. At this time, as a junior in BCD university, I think its appropriate time for me to have experience in global community. And xxx exchange program is attractive in many aspects, thus, I'd like to become an exchange student at ABC university to achieve my future career goal.

The main reason of choosing ABC university is that they provide great study environment for students. The campus located nearby oceans and configured with campus-related facilities. In addition with fantastic campus environment, ABC university is ranked 1st in Asia region in management major field. Although, they don't have long-term history, but their diverse curriculum and academic quality brought them to 1st place within short period. In addition with this fact, my home university doesn't offer as many courses as ABC university. With these facts, I believe that this great study environment and Hong Kong's growth potential in financial industry will bring me up to step into bright career path after finishing exchange program.

Secondly, it is a unique chance for me to learn more about Chinese culture. In spite of growing as a Korean, but I didn't have much knowledge to understand neighbor countries' cultural difference yet. I understand that many things are very similar with Korean culture, but I still believe there are many different things to learn more about them. Since 10th grade, I have studied at United States as an exchange student. It was great opportunity to learn about western culture and have experience in American high school. Like this previous experience, this program can be great chance to learn about Chinese culture easily than other Chinese universities program, because ABC university provide all English classes, which mean that I don't feel much pressure to learn Chinese language compare with other programs.

To conclude with my study statement, I strongly believe that ABC university provide me great experience and help me to choose my career path in near future. During my military service life, understanding Chinese culture is important if I come back to Korea after graduation. Many books highlight China is growing every year and Hong Kong is also well-known region in financial industry. So, exchange student program is not only a simple program but it can be changed my life also. I'll be honored if I was enrolled in this exchange student program. Thanks for your time and careful consideration.

sntinn 8 / 36 9  
Jan 21, 2014   #2
A

Although, they don't have long-term history, but their diverse curriculum and academic quality brought them to 1st place within short period.

This sentence should be edited because
1. What does the word 'they' refer to ?
I guess that 'they' refers to 'the university' because it is the main focus of your paragraph.

2. Although...., but. << You have better chosen one of them for your sentence. If I were you, I would not mention that ABC university was not as old as other universities. For example, ...

' with cutting-edge curriculums and multidisciplinary research environments, the university is placed as the first rank.'

Furthermore, I would like to suggest that it is not a good idea to be negative about your hometown, your school, or any pass experience. You had better tried to reflect the positive quality of your experience.

For example...

In addition with this fact, my home university doesn't offer as many courses as ABC

If I were you, I would say that
" The leading-edge courses in your program will fulfill my knowledge on XXXX which I learned from BCD university."
In addition, this sentence shows that you have prepared yourself for being a student in the ABC university.

Finally, ....

In spite of growing as a Korean, but I didn't have much knowledge to understand neighbor countries' cultural difference yet. I

An alternative way is to say that ...
your culture and chinese are very similar, and you would like to define their differences which is delicate and sophisticated. Then...you may emphasize on what

you have learned as a korean.

PS. you should try to focus more on what you want to study, instead of trying to talk about something out of scope. Your life in the US is the example of going out of the focus.

However, I realize that being an international student guarantees about your language proficiency. Thus, if you would like to show that you have had experience as the international student in the US, I would like to use this opportunity to say about something interesting at the beginning of your statement of purpose. For example, ...

Intro.... Being an international student in the US, I noticed the distinction among people from different backgrounds. As a korean, I knew that my culture is different from other asian nations despite sharing the similar race, looks, and some culture. Chinese culture is closely resemble to Korean in many aspects, however I recognize the differences. I would like to gain a deeper insight in Chinese culture which is sophisticated and beautiful...

Then, your back ground...

Conclusion, ...your conclusion is fine...

PS 2. Using the abbreviation such as don't is not formal. Please, change it to 'do not'.


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