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"My greatest fear in life...is wasting it." Northeastern Med School (NEUCOM) essay


Ermundo 1 / 1  
Aug 13, 2010   #1
Prompt: Describe what you would contribute to the University or medical profession.

Just a note, the essay is about 1000 words long, and it isn't even close to the limit of 1350. I appreciate it if you read the whole thing, as it kinda builds up from the beginning, but really, any feedback, no matter how big or small, would be appreciated. It's for Neucom, an accelerated med program in Ohio.

My greatest fear in life is not on the list of typical fears. It is not death, darkness, heights, spiders, or any other terror on the great list of typical scares. In fact, my greatest fear is not even something that is external. It is within me. It is the fear that, when death comes knocking on the door and I am looking back on my life, I regret: I regret that I wasted all the time that I had, all the years of youth and adulthood, doing nothing at all that would keep alive my legacy. My fear, ultimately, is to waste my life. I am a fan of living it to the absolute fullest, not sitting on the couch wasting time. This is why I hate to procrastinate. And it is also why I have always wanted to be a doctor.

For someone like me, someone who does not want to waste life, helping people is my one goal. After all, most people will agree that spending and devoting your life to the benefit of others is the best way that a person can live, the best way that he or she can utilize his or her time on earth. I reached this conclusion after hearing stories from my Grandfather, who was himself a doctor before he retired. Working for the government of Pakistan, he went all over Africa to deliver aid to impoverished areas. He spent all of his adulthood devoted to this cause, despite the fact that he could have stayed at home. But he had no regrets. He loved every moment of his job, and he won the love of his many patients. Not only that, but he earned a legacy that time cannot erase, a legacy of putting others before himself. That is the kind of legacy that I want, the kind of life I want to live. My desire to be a doctor, a desire that began with my Grandpa's stories and my life experiences, was further magnified after I started volunteering at the local hospital. The experiences that I got from there really made me fall in love with the environment. From caring for patients to assisting nurses and doctors, I was exposed to the day-to-day workings of the hospital. I even got to see some surgeries up close and personal, a really unique experience that I could brag about to my friends. However, the one thing that really brought about my conviction to entering the medical field was seeing patients, no matter how bad their health was, always smile whenever a doctor entered the room to give them their final checkup before being released. The gratitude etched on the patient's face, a gift to the doctor who made him/her healthy again, was a reward that I came to desire. The ability to make people better, healthier, and ultimately, happier-that was the kind of job I wanted to have.

With that in mind, there is no question about how dedicated I am to becoming a medical student. With the medical knowledge from Neucom, I truly hope that I can contribute to the University in research. One of my goals in life is to help as many people as I possibly can, and the way I want to do that is to discover a ground-breaking therapy, treatment, or even cure to one of the many ailments that affect human health. Furthermore, I already know enough about the human body, courtesy of A.P. Biology, to know what really interests me. I particularly enjoyed learning about the heart and how such a complex muscle can work so hard throughout a person's life. One of Neucom's focuses in research is Cardiovascular diseases, a big problem that effects more people in America that perhaps any other kind of disease. If there were any new treatments that could be developed for heart disease or other heart problems, these treatments would change the lives of millions of people for the better. To be apart of this field, a field filled with enormous potential, is a dream that I truly desire. It is a desire that can only be satisfied by the research provided by Neucom.

On a larger scale, I have a few plans in mind when talking about my contribution to the medical field. Ultimately, the field that I want to go into is cardiology. As I said earlier, the heart is an organ that fascinates me. It is arguably one of the most essential to life, and one of the most complex. To have a healthy heart is the most important foundation to having a long life, and that is why I want to specialize in keeping it healthy. Despite its dependency though, it is still susceptible to many diseases, most of which have lifestyle causes. My goal is to keep the hearts of my town as healthy as possible. Besides cardiology, another plan I have for the future is to open a clinic. The city I live in, Cincinnati, has a wide range of communities, some of which are high-end and others that are not. Communities like Over the Rhine in Cincinnati not only are impoverished though, but crime rates are through the roof, a problem that can make the place very dangerous. My dad's friend, who was a brain surgeon before he retired, decided to do something about this problem once he did retire. He opened up an emergency care clinic in his township, a hospital that would accept anyone regardless of whether or not they had insurance. It was not a full fledged hospital, but anyone who had any minor health problems would be admitted. I too would like to do what my dad's friend did, opening up a clinic in my community that can be accessed by anyone. My goal is the same as my Grandfather, to give care to those who would otherwise suffer. Once I become a doctor, I hope to achieve that goal by returning back to Cincinnati and starting a clinic, a clinic that would be available to everyone.
curious - / 5  
Aug 15, 2010   #2
Hey,
I really loved the essay and it does convey to the reader how devoted to your dream you are.Good luck.
ershad193 14 / 333 5  
Aug 15, 2010   #3
I like your opening sentence. Let's see if the rest lives up to it.

It is the fear that, when death comes knocking on the door and I am looking back on my life, I regret: I regret that I wasted all the time that I had , all the years of youth and adulthood, doing nothing at all that would keep alive my legacy.

A suggestion for the highlighted part -- "...I will feel regret -- regret that I wasted all the time I had"

My fear, ultimately, is to waste my life

Another one -- "My fear, ultimately, is that I will waste my life"

And it is also why I have always wanted to be a doctor.

That seemed really weird. I see no logical connection between becoming a doctor and all that you mentioned earlier.

helping people

Please don't use this phrase. "Helping people" is such a broad term. You can even "help people" by cleaning their bathrooms for free ;) ... just kidding

Okay, your second paragraph was nicely written. But don't you think every other applicant can say the same stuff? Except the part on your grandfather and volunteering, it is very generic. It doesn't set you apart from other applicants.

By the way, don't capitalize grandfather & grandpa.

One of my goals in life is to help as many people as I possibly can

Here you are repeating stuff.

If there were any new treatments that could be developed for heart disease or other heart problems, these treatments would change the lives of millions of people for the better.

This is again a generic sentence. It would have been better if you named a particular ailment you are interested in researching. Right now it seems like you don't have a specific plan.

To be apart of this field, a field filled with enormous potential, is a dream that I truly desire. It is a desire that can only be satisfied by the research provided by Neucom.

These are pretty useless sentences.

My goal is to keep the hearts of my town as healthy as possible.

You sound corny, again.

I too would like to do what my dad's friend did, opening up a clinic in my community that can be accessed by anyone.

This part is good. This is specific, and shows that you have a clear plan.

This is a good draft, but definitely not the finished product. You need to work on it.
By the way, "Salman Khan" is a very famous actor in India. You don't happen to be him, right?...Again, just kidding ;)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 15, 2010   #4
This is good writing, and you are one of the lucky ones whose brains work in very sophisticated ways. Yet, it makes you tend to be dramatic in a way that creates a lot of words. The stuff is all good, but it can be refined. It can be said in subtler ways with fewer words so that the reader gets to do some of the work, some of the self-expression.

For example, if you force yourself to write that whole first paragraph in a single sentence, I am sure it will be a hell of a sentence.

Also...
For someone like me, someone who does not want to waste life, helping people is my one goal. After all, most people will agree that Spending and devoting your life to the benefit of others is the best way that a person can live, the best way that he or she can utilize his or her time on earth. --- this is a powerful sentence. It really shows why you want to enter the field. I think I agree with you!!! Remember, though, that you can help in other ways. For example, you can work to ensure people can all have health care. Nevertheless, actually learning medicine is the best way!!!!

When you use 'grandfather' this way, it doe snot get capitalized:
I reached this conclusion after hearing stories from my Grandfather grandfather, who was himself a doctor before he retired. W working for the government of Pakistan. He went all over Africa to deliver aid to impoverished areas and spent all of his adulthood devoted to this cause, despite the fact that he could have stayed at home. But he had no regrets. He loved ... the kind of life I want to live. ---- nice! I was planning to use this paragraph as an example of a paragraph that could be accomplished using only half the number of words you used, but I actually only cut out a few.

In general, though, you, like other good writers, need to revise by cutting out some content. Make it sleek.

Give this its own paragraph:
My desire to be a doctor, a desire that...
MissS1987 3 / 8  
Aug 15, 2010   #5
wow, I get some idea for my PS !


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