All critiques greatly appreciated
A brief personal statement helps us get to know you better than grades and test scores. Please review what type of applicant you are and submit a corresponding personal statement (must be at least 250 words). Options are below:
All other applicants: You may write about why you are interested in your choice of major, or you may write on any subject you choose.
The Greatest Gift
After an entire month of planning, my Christmas list was finally complete. Most eleven year old children want the latest toy or videogame, but these items could not begin to satisfy my curiosity. All of the meticulous research and debate finally paid off when I opened each shiny new component to my soon to be creation. I did not open parts to a toy car or a hockey net, no; I opened a brand new motherboard, power supply, hard drive and CPU to build my first computer. My love of computers and technology only began there, after building the computer on my own I now had access to the unlimited information of the internet. Countless days and nights were spent learning the whys and how's of the world. As I grew, so did my love for my computer, constantly seeking the latest parts and software. Finally an opportunity arose to enhance my knowledge more than ever; taking a course in Computer Science for two years in high school taught me the ins and outs of how my computer worked and how the world has grown to depend on computers. My interest was sparked; I could not get enough of coding and creating new things. Creating new websites was not only an assignment but a hobby, I had found my passion, and I wanted to share it with the world. My love and value placed in sharing information coupled with my love of technology make Information Technologies my ideal major. Information Technologies is defined as the study, design, development, implementation, support or management of computer-based information systems, particularly software applications and computer hardware. From the age of eleven until now I had already begun doing all of these things simply for fun and satisfaction of my own intuition. This major would provide an opportunity for me to network countless numbers of people through the power of technology to share information in newer, faster, more efficient ways. I have always thought that we are nothing if we do not do something to help influence the world in a positive way. This is precisely why I could utilize the networking abilities of the internet and share them with the world, much like the creators of such websites like Google and Yahoo have done by creating their innovative websites for the free sharing of information. It is my generation's job to utilize the power of technology to our advantage and use it as a positive force of change in our world. We are blessed with this advantage over previous generations and cannot let it go to waste. As a college applicant I am a flag bearer of change for the generation after mine, and I plan to use Information Technology as the agent of that change by continuing my education and applying what I have learned to help others do the same.
Most eleven year old children want the latest toy or video game ,...
My love of computers and technology
only began there, and after building the computer on my own, I now had ...
My love of, and ...
Since the age of eleven
until now I have alreadybeen doing all of these things simply for fun and satisfaction of my own intuition.
The following sentence might be better broken into two sentences;
As a college applicant I am a flag bearer of change for the generation after mine.
, and I plan to use Information Technology as the agent of that change by continuing my education and applying what I have learned to helping others do the same.