The Greatest Influence in My Life
It is not difficult to figure out that the modern image of a father is evolving and pointing to a more compassionate figure. Before, the father figure was merely boiled down to him being the breadwinner. However, this is changing as the awareness and the advent of a fuller model of fatherhood is being churned by the changing society. Persevering throughout his entire life, my father has fought through numerous obstacles to achieve what he has today. Determination, responsibility, and dedication are characteristics that my father possesses. These characteristics help my father endure through all the challenges of his life, and he therefore has a great influence on me. My father influences me by instilling education in my life, serving his community, and teaching the importance of health and fitness.
My dad instills the importance of education and motivates me to try my hardest. My dad symbolizes more than just a man who has brought me into this world; he has become an emotion or energy that I can feel inside of me always. He is the constant reminder of my duty to uphold the morals of my family, and he is the motivation for accomplishment in my life. He would give me rewards or tokens for great accomplishments, and praise me for motivation. If I did poorly in something, he would motivate me, and scold me at the same time, so that I can do better. Inspired by my father, I have worked diligently toward my own goal even when strongly challenged. During the challenging times I cannot help but recall my father's stories of his own hardships as he worked towards a better future. Therefore, encourage by my dad, I study really hard and put extra effort in the work I do at school.
My dad helps people in need by joining non-profit organizations, and helping on a personal basis. My dad is currently a member of the Salvation Army; this organization helps people struggling, the homeless, and the youths. For example, during Christmas time, the Salvation Army has a Christmas dinner at the Holy Redeemer Parish Hall for people that can't afford to have a dinner for their families, or any food at all. At this event, the children are all given toys in paper wrap to make the day even more special. My dad works hard at this event to make it a success. Aside from this organization my dad helps families in need around my neighborhood. Outside of this organization, my dad helps families in our neighborhood with basic items for the ones' in need. For example, when schools were reopening, my dad went around the neighborhood and gave away school bags and basic school supplies. The loving and thankful reaction from the people when my dad gives them inspires me to be like my dad. So, in order to follow in his footsteps, I am currently a member of Global Minds and the Red Cross.
My dad explains the importance of health and fitness. My dad does yoga, so from his kids were younger he would put us to do it. He often goes on TV and he speaks out on the topic of health, the future benefits, and yoga; so, that not only his family is aware, but the country. In the house, he only brings in certain types of food like vegetables and limited sweet foods, to hold his word to what he believe in. Fitness and health are his two topics that influence me, because he goes in debt and tell me consciences. For example he would say if you don't exercise, when you get older you'll probably have a lot of problems like back pain, etc. I am greatly influenced by my dad when it comes to health because I also do yoga, and eat healthy, and I sometimes tell my friends about the risks on not being healthy.
In conclusion, my dad is a great motivator, towards education, helping the poor, and teaching about health and fitness. For some people, they just talk and never progress and do nothing, but when it comes to my dad, he talks and does the work. My dad is definitely the most influential person in my life.
You mainly talk about your dad in this essay that if I were the admissions staff, I would probably consider enrolling your dad. Try to focus less on your father and more on how he influenced you as a person. How does what he do change your life in a way? Come up with examples that include your leadership abilities and commitment that could be attributed to your father's influence. You briefly mentioned "Therefore, encourage by my dad, I study really hard and put extra effort in the work I do at school." which is NOT GOOD ENOUGH . That sentence is way too brief, and too weak. Instead of just stating that, expand on how you focus hard, how your father really influences you. Also, try to make this essay a bit more personal, anyone can say what you said about your father to their own fathers. And try to use your dad's name instead of repeating "my dad" over and over again as well as rid of other repetitions in the essay.
Hope I help:
It is not difficult to figure out that the modern image of a father is evolving and pointing (I don't think pointing is the right word) to a more compassionate figure.
Suggest: evolving into a compassionate figure.
What was it before being compassionate? aren't our parents supposed to be compassionate, don't agree w/ statement.
Achieve what he is today
You dad is not a symbol, omit "symbolizes" replace w/ "is"
He has become an emotion or energy that I can feel inside of me always. Reword Previous, Possibly, "He is an inspiration"
scold sounds harsh. "get after me"
Some parts are redundant, add more personal experiences. Connect the traits you mention paragraph two with three and four. Paragraph two seems to be about your dads traits, like a list and three and four are the experience.
Liked the conclusion:)