'we all will be the greatest'-significant experience

My prompt is "Describe a significant life experience and how it has shaped the person you are today."
I think the main thing is cutting down because my essay is 554 words and the limit is 500 but I'm not sure what to cut. Also, I'm kinda iffy on my conclusion idk if it really conveyed how it has "shaped me into the person I am today".

Thanks for all your help!

Slanted, icy raindrops slapped at my feet as I made my way towards the back of the line. My mom and grandma's warning words echoed in my head. They didn't think I could go alone. Bold and extroverted had never been qualities that had defined me in the past.

Now that I was actually here, my impromptu decision to come seemed like a terrible idea. I had no idea how to act by myself at a concert. This time I hadn't been able to drag my friends along. None of them shared my hidden taste for this genre, especially on a Tuesday night.

Trying to push back the panic seeking to overwhelm me, I focused on the ground where puddles of water had formed. I didn't look up, fearing I might witness people in line exchanging glances with their friends and giggling because I was alone.

The three girls in front of me smiled as I took my place in line. I smiled back, desperately trying to think of something to say, but the moment had already passed.

I felt as though every move I made was being scrutinized. There seemed to be a wall between the sparkling conversations of the animated people waiting in line and me. I was lost on the other side, somehow drowned out by the drizzling rain.

Suddenly, a clear voice reached out to me over the wall.
"I really like your shirt," said one of the girls in front of me .
Caught off guard, my "thanks" stumbled out like tumbleweed. Names were exchanged and conversations ensued. I was astonished to find how easily I was talking to these strangers, my usual shy exterior lay completely forgotten. As the talk flowed, I slowly found pieces of the wall crumbling down.

After entering the venue, the pushing started. I found myself pressed against a sea of bodies, barely able to breathe.
Then without warning, the lights dimmed, the first beat of the drum was hit and the band walked on. Once the music started, it didn't matter if I was alone or not. For those couple of hours, I could feel myself letting go of my insecurities. Singing at the top of my lungs, I felt completely invincible. There was no stopping me.

During the last song, the band cut out and only the crowd chanted "we all have been degraded, we all will be the greatest." That was the moment when I knew we stopped being just individuals in a room. Connected by the music, I could feel the strength and love radiating from the people around me. The wall from the beginning of the night collapsed altogether. I was no longer lost among a sea of strangers; I had found my home.

Sometimes those makeshift decisions and impulsed risks in life count for courage. Those brief seconds are just enough to push out of the comfort zone and into a new adventure. Whether it's talking to a stranger, trying out for the school play or pursuing a dream, it's those moments when I discover who I really am. Thinking back to the crowd of flushed faces, tangled hair I realized for once in my life, I understand. And I am understood.

Well... you want help to cut down words : ) ... Here's mine;


"Bold" and "extovert" were never words to define me in the past.


I didn't look up fearing others would giggle and direct odd glances at me.

I also suggest to cut down on details on that event

dumi
thank you so much! Is there a specific spot that you would suggest to cut down?

Hi : )


I guess, you can do something with this;


I feel this part is too detailed ... try and make it a bit more concise. What matters is that you should show your character transformation through this incident. But you dont have to be sooooooooo descriptive for that!

Also, I noticed a typo I've made in my previous suggestion;


.... sorry : )