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What is your greatest skill and how have you developed it over time (UC essay question)

akb 2 / 2 1  
Nov 16, 2018   #1
I would love feedback on the writing and on grammar/ spelling and structure! Thank you!

my greatest skill: dancing

Hard work, leadership, and passion are only a few of the many things I have learned through my greatest skill: dancing. For me the famous saying "dance like no one is watching" is entirely true as I am known to dance anywhere and everywhere that I go. As a young girl I was apart of dance teams and companies where I learned to dance in various styles such as jazz, tap and ballet. At the age of 13 these classes became too costly for my parents which lead me to not take a conventional dance classes for the next four years.

Even though I was not taking dance classes I used what I learned in prior classes to maintain my flexibility and continue to develop my dancing skills. Throughout this time my passion for dancing helped me learn how to be a leader and instructor as I coached myself, taught my sisters choreography and put on my own shows for my family. With the time and hard work that I put in the four years I couldn't take dance classes I was able to get onto my high school dance team.

Over the next three years on the team I excelled and pushed my body to be the best dancer that I could be. While I excelled on the team and was able to be be in every group dance, a background leader, and awarded solos; I also struggled with various injuries. My first year on the team I sprained both of my ankles several times that lead to tear ligaments in my left foot. After a several month-long recovery, my second competition season resulted in patellar tendinitis in my knees that have yet to completely heal. Even with these injuries I was able to become a co-captain for the team my last year on the team and lead them to win the first national championship title in team history.

Since high school I have taken several dance classes at Saddleback College, learned the limits of my body, and in this past year I have stopped taking dance classes as I heal my injuries from my time in high school.

qqtheonly 1 / 1  
Nov 17, 2018   #2
As a young girl, I was a part of
tap, and ballet
... which led me not to take a ...

... classes


I used what I had learned in prior ...
With the time and hard work that I put in the four years


even I couldn't take dance classes


I was able ...

Oh you missed a lot of comma,
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,091 3251  
Nov 17, 2018   #3
Amanda, you have made a word choice error by using the word "apart" when you mean to say "a part". "Apart" means to separate while " A part" means "to include". There is a noun phrase problem in this essay in reference to plurality in your presentation. When you say "... several month-long..." that means you required more than one recovery time. The plurality reference here being "several month-recovery" means that the phrase should be replaced by "several month-long recoveries".

With regards to the content and relevance of your essay, I cannot say that you can actually say that dancing is your greatest skill because it has caused you several injuries over the years and you are still currently recovering from one of those injuries. A skilled dancer would not be so extremely accident prone as an amateur. The types of injuries you describe tend to be professional dancer level injuries. You may want to consider changing your prompt to an obstacle you needed to overcome instead. That sounds more in line with your information presentation.

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