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"Green electricity, conservation, and other reductions" - Why colby


andygu 6 / 14  
Nov 17, 2010   #1
Welcome any advice, both on grammar and structure! Thank you !
Why Colby,Briefly discuss your reasons for applying to Colby: character maximum:1000

My answer
Apart from the talented peers, rigorous courses and inspiring livings, in colby I will find a special thing: green---both her fascinating scene and her core value. Having been concerned about the environmental problem for long, I started the "make green" survey in Beijing last year and chose to major in biology and ecology. As a global environmental citizen, Colby adheres to the values of respect for the environment and sustainable living: Green electricity, conservation, and other efficiency strategies that contributed to reductions, Colby had done more than I expected. In addition, joining in Environmental Studies Club and Organic Gardening Club there I can involved in sustainability discussions and engage initiatives through coursework and independent study. The "Problems in Environmental Science" and "Biodiversity" courses along with environmental investigations will also help me to achieve my dream which is making our earth a clean and green planet.
donrocks 5 / 120  
Nov 22, 2010   #2
Quite nice. Simple and clean.
Okay, what I would suggest you is that use some better phrases.

both her fascinating scene and her core value

Avoid this...

Colby had done more than I expected.

You see it sounds very arrogant.
Otherwise fine... see if you can add a line on some environmental project they are working on and you interested in it.
:)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 26, 2010   #3
Apart from the talented peers, rigorous courses and (inspiring livings? What do you mean here? Like, a way of making a living?), colby at colby, I will find a special thing appeal: green---both her fascinating scene and her core value.

As a global environmental citizen (Colby is not a citizen...) As an environmentally conscientious community, Colby adheres to the ...

:-)


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