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"Green Tea?" Activity Essay, the most personally significant contribution

bluedog2004 4 / 4  
Jan 12, 2011   #1
I need help editing this. It has to be 250 words but it is already 344 words. Please provide me with gramatical corrections and your opinion. Your help is much appreciated!

In approximately 250 words, tell us about the most personally significant contribution you have made to a community through your participation in one of the activities.

"Here is your green tea," she said. I stared into her eyes trying to decipher where she got the idea that I would have wanted this. Everyone else was drinking English breakfast tea. I wanted to tell her I wanted the same. But what else could I do without making a scene? I accepted the green tea from my 8th grade teacher, just as I accepted all the Asian stereotypes people used to define me all throughout my years at school. I could not wait until high school to start a new beginning where there would be different people who would understand my culture. Yet to my surprise, I found myself in the same situation being one of the only seven Asians at my high school. I came to the realization that there was only one way to put an end to my dismay--through my action. My distinction was my Filipino heritage and I decided to use it to my advantage by contributing to my school. After much hard work, I founded and became the president of the new Asian cultural club-an accomplishment in which I take much pride in. The aim of my club is to provide awareness to the whole student body about the rich, exotic perspective of live that is Asian and Pacific Island culture. Each time we meet, a new country's culture is uncovered through slideshows, videos, show-and-tell and food. We hold discussions examining colonialism and immigration. Occasionally, we go on field trips to museums and Asian festivals. Inspired by GMU's Filipino Cultural Association's performances I have attended, I plan to have the club learn and perform traditional Asian dances later this year. I strive to make the club very active in the school community so to be able to develop a new eye-opening perspective of what it means to be Asian. Already, my club is flourishing with interested students, both of Asian descent and non-Asian descent. This experience of starting and directing a club made me realize the potential I have when I am true to myself.
li_renee 3 / 5  
Jan 12, 2011   #2

Attractive essay!

You may want to divide it in to several paragraphs to make it clear. In that way you will know what to delete, because it's full of details!

Good luck!

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