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I grew up around Duke U; Trinity College of Arts and Science/Duke a good match?

mysskae 1 / -  
Aug 18, 2010   #1
Please edit & revise. Fix grammar, spelling, anything that you think would help me make this essay the best it can be. This is a rough draft and I don't really have anyone around who can edit my essays.

If you are applying to Trinity College of Arts and Sciences, please discuss why you consider Duke a good match for you. Is there something in particular at Duke that attracts you? Please limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

I grew up around Duke University. I spent late nights watching Duke Basketball. I was offended when my peers would cheer "Duke is puke! Wake is fake! The team I hate is NC State!" I agreed with two out of three, but the first statement was unacceptable. In the sixth grade I was a Duke TIP student. In high school I volunteered at Durham Regional Hospital, part of the Duke University Health System. Duke has been a big part of my life.

As I got older and approached the college applications age, I realized that Duke could be in my future. When I stepped onto Duke's campus for a tour, I was very nervous. I was surrounded by geniuses who knew everything about Duke when all I knew was basketball. But soon the butterflies flew away and I fell in love with Duke. The campus is breathtaking. I admire the Gregorian-style and Gothic-style buildings, especially the Duke Chapel. The university caters to all my academic interests. The Duke Medical Center is right on campus, which appeals to my interest in health care. The Trinity College curriculum is flexible enough to allow me to fulfill my requirements and be exposed to a variety of subjects. I enjoy learning outside of the classroom and Duke offers a cornucopia of opportunities for undergraduates. Duke is a research university and I will have plenty of opportunities to learn about subjects first hand. Civic engagement has always been one of my passions and Duke offers programs like DukeEngage for student to take what they learn on campus and apply it in the community. The university embraces individuality, encourages academic exploration, and would nurture my intellectual spirit. My parents would be proud to send me off to Duke. It is one of the most prestigious schools in the South, and it is right in my backyard! I have always been my parents' little angel, but I can't help wanting to be their little blue devil.
ivyeyesediting - / 85  
Aug 18, 2010   #2
Hi there!

My biggest concern with your essay deals more with content--it sounds like what the AdCom 'wants to hear' rather than what 'you want them to know.' Here are my quick thoughts:

-Always get specific. A generalized observation suggests you didn't take the initiative to really learn more. "I enjoy learning outside of the classroom and Duke offers a cornucopia of opportunities for undergraduates." This just feels too canned.

-Avoid citing campus aesthetics or basketball (unless you play! :) as primary drivers. They just don't stand up to what's most important about Duke--the education, the culture, the experience.

-Avoid getting sycophantic and telling Duke how prestigious their program is...they know already! :)

-Support claims. How do your background and goals support an interest in community service? Why do you value it? So many applicants will cite an interest in service bc it feels like a prerequisite. It's NOT. However, if you have a really substantive background or interest in civic engagement...strive to make it more meaningful here.

I'd work on developing content more, keeping in mind some of the suggestions above.


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