2. What outrages you? What are you doing about it? (less than 200 words)
Groggily walking towards the kitchen, I begin my daily routine: get a bowl, get a spoon, grab the milk and grab my box of cereal. Everything situated, I settle down at the breakfast bar to enjoy my Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The first thing I do is pour some cereals into the bowl then go to add in the milk. Oh no, I whisper only to hear my sister chuckling beside me. Almost all of the milk is gone, and I can either choose to use the rest and eat half dry cereal, or give it up and just enjoy my cereal completely dry. Only problem is, I hate dry cereal. Pondering the situation, I try not to get mad over the prospect of a lost breakfast, but I can't help but notice my sister enjoying her bowl of Golden Grams absolutely floating in excess milk. From that day forward, I promised to keep a hidden milk carton in the back of the fridge. No longer will I be subjected to mornings of dry cereal, as my secret milk carton is there to say the day.
When you approach these essays you have to think about what they reveal about your character. From this essay, I might presume a few things:
-you are selfish and tricky
-you are picky
-you get upset about trivial things
I bet that there is more to you than these things. Try talking about something important--something that reveals that there is more upsetting in the world than dry cereal.
Here are some examples that might show you are a better person than you portray above. Don't use these examples--use something you are passionate about and have done something about.
-poverty in your neighborhood
-the BP oil spill
-poor education in India
-no cure for cancer
I don't mean to be rude but I seriously think this essay will hinder your chances of getting in to any college. You can clearly write pretty well, but you must change your topic.
Those are exactly the topics I was trying to avoid because they are so cliché and say nothing about me personally except that I watch the news and can discuss it in an essay. Everyone else will probably take the route that you suggested, so I chose something trivial that would stand out. Plus they have 8 other essays, so I doubt my answer on this one would hinder my chances for being accepted.
Although I understand your advice and will try to make changes accordingly so I sound a little less selfish and whiney as you say. The purpose of Wake's essays are to be creative as you can, or at least that is what they told me when I visited. They want you to have fun with their essays.
I like it but it does not seem like something that would outrage you it more seems like a mild disappointment. It's kind of like oh no someone scuffed my shoes. You might be mad for a while but then you clean them and it just goes away. Maybe you should choose a situation that is not as easily solved.
I LOVE THIS. I'm applying to Wake Forest right now. And I totally wanted to do something like that. Not the whole cliche big issue topics. This is where you shine and you made it funny.
And I hate when the milk-cereal proportion is out of wack. I get what you're trying to say here. :D
I love it. Stick with it. Trust your own guts.
