Unanswered [4] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

"My Grotto" - ND supplement essays


closethefridge 1 / 6  
Dec 30, 2010   #1
Two of my responses to ND prompts:

the first is a place that i seek out, and what i contemplate
the second is what appeals to me about Notre Dame

Tear it to pieces if you must, any feedback is greatly appreciated, and ill write back!

1.
As a high school senior, the process of maintaining grades and juggling extracurriculars while clinging desperately onto whatever social life I have is all part of my routine. So, I would be dishonest in claiming to be anything less than seasoned in dealing with the assorted stresses that frequent the minds of too many adolescents. Some write to relieve their stress, others run, or listen to music; I sit. The low balcony overlooking my front yard provides all the alleviation I need. It doesn't offer a breathtaking view, nor is the hum of nearby streets a sound to relish. The night air is hardly welcoming, but it willingly consumes the griefs and vexations of a long day. That small porch allows me to set my head straight, to sift through troubles and concerns that demand contemplation or simply to relive a day's pleasures.

2.
Had I the opportunity to visit the University of Notre Dame, I would have taken it without hesitation. To me, South Bend is a comfortable distance from the often-overwhelming bustle of any large cities, but it also is situated only a short drive from my dearly missed hometown of Chicago. The past four years at a religious institution has not only left me open to the notion of, but also invoked a moderate sense of eagerness to attend another religious school. An eagerness that is anything but stifled by the beauties of both the Grotto and the Basilica, which I regretfully have yet to witness outside of brochures. Though not particularly exclusive to Notre Dame, the university grants my wishes with a top-notch engineering program, but its diverse curriculum still has the strength to support a potential change in prospective majors.

Thanks team
alexis brandon 17 / 44  
Dec 30, 2010   #2
Though not particularly exclusive to Notre Dame, the university grants my wishes with a top-notch engineering program, but its diverse curriculum still has the strength to support a potential change in prospective majors.

You might want to change that last sentence a college does not want to be told that they are not different from others.

Also divide up the sentence you jump from one thing to another and it does not fit. Tighten these essays and you should be fine

Please read mine
Anonymoussenior 17 / 133  
Dec 30, 2010   #3
comma before while in the first sentence and a comma after have

get rid of the so at the beginning of the second sentence

So, I would be dishonest in claiming to be anything less than seasoned in dealing with the assorted stresses that frequent the minds of too many adolescents. - i am slightly confused due to the wordiness

Some write to relieve their stress, others run, or listen to music; I sit. - I would start the paragraph with this sentence.

then.

Each night, depite the chilling air that whips against my body,I make my way to the low balcony overlooking my front yard to think.

That small porch allows me to set my head straight- to sift through troubles and concerns that demand contemplation or simply to relive a day's pleasures.

The low balcony overlooking my front yard provides all the alleviation I need.
- combine or place next to each other to avoid repetition.

while, it does not offer a breathtaking view, nor is the hum of nearby streets a sound to relish, I value my own grotto.

then find some way to end with your lines - As a high school senior, the process of maintaining grades and juggling extracurriculars while clinging desperately onto whatever social life I have is all part of my routine. So, I would be dishonest in claiming to be anything less than seasoned in dealing with the assorted stresses that frequent the minds of too many adolescents.


Please read my Notre Dame essays.
Priyanka3 6 / 17  
Dec 31, 2010   #4
I agree with the corrections made by Kelsey Br. Otherwise they're both very good. I like how in the second one you talk about certain details instead of just general comments that could be used for any college. For the first short essay, a suggestion is to add more. Good job though!


Home / Undergraduate / "My Grotto" - ND supplement essays