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'Some groups come naturally'; university of michigan supplement essay


Shayke_96 6 / 19  
Sep 11, 2012   #1
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things)shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong and descibe that community and your place within it (Approximately 250 words)

Some groups come naturally. They choose us: ethnicity, racial backgrounds, geography etcetera. These labels are emblazoned on us regardless of our resistance or rejection or acceptance of them. Since they are just labels and not the product, ideology defines the community I am most attached to. Ideology is my chosen community. I believe that life should be where our weaknesses and strengths are used to complement one another, by this I mean "interdependence". Equality-as inconvenient a truth as it may seem at times-is a divine concept and should be the sieve for actions, laws and judgment. Truth-even though thorny-should be protected with both hands and should be the foundation of institutions that eye longevity. Nelson Mandela, Mr. Femi Esan (my dad), Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr, Mahatma Gandhi-all symbols of selflessness-recognize these truths of freedom. As a World Bank President in the making, this ideology will help me understand the real function of this humanity-friendly body that I hope to be part of in a few years. My own part in this group is quite simple: I play the role of a crusader for level playing-fields, honesty and dignity, taking my cue from the aforementioned mavericks. Society seems to be in short supply of a community like the one to which I belong. I hope to spread this community of great selfless people to the shores of University of Michigan and I know there would be many like me.

OP Shayke_96 6 / 19  
Sep 11, 2012   #2
Please I really need some help
KhanhZ 5 / 131 7  
Sep 11, 2012   #3
Hi, Sekemi)
Your essay is confusing at times - sometimes I just don't have any idea what you are talking about.

Some groups come naturally. They choose us: ethnicity, racial backgrounds race , geography etcetera ... These labels are emblazoned on us regardless of our resistance or rejection or acceptance of them .

Since they those are just labels and do not drastically affect the product, ideology is what defines me the community I am most attached to

I believe that life should be where our weaknesses and strengths are used to complement one another, by this I mean "interdependence". ( the phrasing is not very smooth )

Truth-even though thorny-should be protected with both hands and should be the foundation of institutions that eye longevity. ( i don't really get what you wanted to convey in this sentence)

As a World Bank President in the making ,( what is that? )
OP Shayke_96 6 / 19  
Sep 11, 2012   #4
Okay, so please how exactly would you phrase the third sentence you mentioned so that it would be smooth.
For the fourth phrase you mentioned I was trying to convey the fact that the truth is painful but it should be the foundation for all institutions.

So could you help me phrase that properly.
For the last phrase you mentioned, I was trying to portray myself as a leader who is going to be known in the financial world, so could you like re-phrase it.

Thank you so much though for the criticism.


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