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'to grow and evolve in all areas' - National Student Exchange Application Essay


hgrierson 8 / 11  
Feb 21, 2012   #1
Essay has a minimum of 250 words, no listed maximum. This is 980-ish words. I am wondering if I should make it shorter, if that is necessary, and if I could have some help deciding what I should delete? I'm having a really hard time and feel like everything is important. Thanks so much. I will gladly return the favor !!!!!!!

Prompt: What are your academic expectations for going on exchange? Do you want to take major courses or not? How do you expect to grow personally? What can you accomplish on exchange that you can't at home? Why have you chosen the schools you did?

In my life, I strive to always continue to grow and evolve in all areas. Through school, working, volunteering, and enjoying all that Oregon has to offer, I discover new things about my environment and myself that contribute to my personal and professional development. At this point in my life, however, I feel it is necessary to experience a different setting and environment in order to become a more well-rounded person, student, and future educator. I would like to teach in urban schools someday, and going on exchange in Los Angeles will help me gain an understanding of these areas, along with the different cultures and types of students who live there, which is extremely valuable information for ensuring my student's success. By participating in the National Student Exchange and spending a term in Southern California, it is my hope that I will be challenged both academically and personally with different experiences, which will open my eyes to new perspectives that can further prepare me to be aware and open-minded inside and outside the classroom.

While on exchange, I expect challenges in a new academic setting and to experience school from a new perspective, in an environment quite different from the one at University of Oregon. Los Angeles is different from Eugene in almost every way, and I am looking forward to the varied academic experiences I will have living and learning in such a diverse setting. The remarkable diversity in Los Angeles and my selected schools will enable me to experience school as a minority, something I have never experienced in my sixteen years of schooling and that is exceptionally valuable for a future educator of students in urban areas. I plan to take non-major courses while on exchange, such as Physics and courses relating to urban issues, and I am excited about having much more diversity in these classes than in my Education classes at University of Oregon, where the vast majority of my classmates are like me - Caucasian women. These experiences, through my courses and interactions with my new classmates and professors, will enrich my education, helping me grow as a learner and opening my eyes to new outlooks and ways of thinking.

Academic growth is one way I hope to benefit from my exchange. Another way is in my personal development. My first choice for exchange is California State University, Los Angeles, one of the most diverse institutions in California, which is one of the most diverse states in the nation. As such, my classmates will carry with them a wealth of cultural knowledge and experiences very different from mine. Working with and learning alongside such a diverse group of students creates many learning opportunities and chances for interesting discussions, which will open my eyes to the world and help me become more culturally aware. Living and learning in a melting pot such as Los Angeles will give me insights into our society and myself that will continue my personal development, making me more well-rounded, and preparing me to provide quality education for multicultural learning communities and learners. Only 16% of students at CSULA are Caucasian, so I will be the minority for the first time in my life. Schooling is often quite a different experience for students who are the minority at their school, and I know this could be a challenging experience, but it is one in which I will grow immeasurably, not only as a learner and educator, but also on a very personal level.

Going on exchange and being located in Los Angeles will provide me with opportunities that I would not have at the University of Oregon. My goal as a future teacher is to create an equal and quality education for all students, regardless of their economic background or skin color. Sadly, those students are currently at an extreme disadvantage. In Oregon, I will never experience what school is like for those students. It is my hope that by attending a school such as Cal State LA, one with much more diversity - where I will be the minority - I will be better prepared to teach diverse population in urban centers. Not only will I experience this from the perspective of the student, but I also plan to capitalize on the multitude of career-related volunteer and work experiences in Los Angeles and experience this as a teacher. Growing up and attending college in Oregon, I do not get hands-on, immersive experience working or learning in the types of classrooms in which I wish to teach. Attending school in Los Angeles will give me access to educational, volunteer, and work opportunities that will provide me with real-life experience in the environments and with the types of students I hope to someday teach.

I have chosen California State University, Los Angeles and California State University, Northridge as my choices for exchange because the Los Angeles area is so rich with culture and diversity, and educational opportunities abound there. By attending school in Los Angeles, I anticipate academic and personal challenges that will help me adopt new attitudes and think in innovative ways, and these schools give me the chance to be a student in a diverse classroom environment while also providing me with opportunities to teach or volunteer in a similarly diverse setting. I look forward to learning more about myself, and working towards my goal of becoming an intellectual leader with the ability to connect with diverse student populations.

I hope to be lucky enough to have this opportunity, and that through my hard work and involvement in the National Student Exchange program I will be supplied with experiences, knowledge, and opportunities for growth that I can later build upon to become like the teachers who have gotten me to where I am today, and who have inspired me to make a difference.

fida10 3 / 6  
Feb 22, 2012   #2
...In my life, I strive to always grow and evolve in all areas...

...At this point in my life, however, I feel it is necessary to experience a different setting and environment ...

...The remarkable diversity in Los Angeles and my selected schools will enable me to experience school as a minority, something I have never experienced in my sixteen years of schooling and that is exceptionally valuable for a future educator of students in urban areasam looking forward to experiencing .

There are many places where you seem to use words redundantly, other than the above examples. You only need to say them once, thats enough to get your point across. Try and vary yourself a little and put synonyms in the place of words you already used. I think this would really help cut down your word count.

And by the way, don't use the word "hope" so much. Be confident enough to use words like "aspire, challenge, determined", etc. Its always pleasant to see someone who knows what their doing and is confident about it.

I hope this helps you out. Good luck!
imeon - / 1  
Feb 22, 2012   #3
as Fida said, there are too many places mentioned and also the repetition of a word makes your sentence long. You should avoid that. And try to be focused on one subject, and make it generalized not so specific.

As you said there's no given maximum number of words right? So be proud that you made that essay longer, may have a bit erasure but, the fullness and the idea was there, so you have to be grateful ! :)

Try also to read mine ! :D

"the consequences of high-level technology and its positive effect on family life"

--- imeon :)


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