Personal Statement
Starting at a young age, we are always asked the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
When I first heard this question, it caught me off guard. I truly didn't know the answer to this integral statement that would shape my future. As a five year old, there was instant curiosity, and a sense of excitement and wonder at the possibilities of the future instilled within me a passion to experiment with everything!
Since I was a small child, the only safe place where I could get information on "everything" was the library.
The smell of the library as I walked in for the first time would stay with me forever, and the crinkling of the pages as I would turn them would create an instant sense of gratification, as I knew without a doubt that I would have this aura of information at my fingertips. What else could possibly be better than this array of knowledge? That was the question I kept asking myself, as I would walk the narrow aisles of the children's book sections, learning about dinosaurs and outer space.
I would always check out a ton of books at a time, and my Mom would let me take as many as I wanted, because she recognized this passion for learning that I had. I would finish the children's books I checked out quickly, and would constantly berate my Mom to take me back. She unfailingly relented, and I am grateful for that to this day.
Eventually, I started school, and found a place where I could learn everything I could possibly want! I found other children who shared my interest for learning, yet, when they were asked the question of what they wanted to be when they grew up, they all had a definite answer. Someone would say, "Astronaut," and another person would say, "Scientist," whereas, when it got to me, I faltered, and couldn't really come up with an answer. I did not know what I wanted to be when I grew up. That moment shocked me, as from the time I was first asked this question to that point, I assimilated a mass amount of information for a child my age. Even with this knowledge, I still didn't know the answer.
This was the challenge I faced. My adversary was no tangible antagonist. Instead, my opponent was my future. People talk about one specific challenge that adheres to their struggles and triumphs, but this was unfamiliar territory. Something that I couldn't, and still can't predict. Why was such a simple question so difficult for me to answer?
Then, it finally hit me.
The small trips to the library, the countless number of books, and the endless amount of overdue fees were all part of who I was: someone who loved to learn. No specific occupation would appeal to me, as a certain job is contrived to a certain amount of information, and that would close the door to my learning.
I don't pile myself on tons of activities like dance or community service just because that's what all the wiki-how articles say; just so it'll make me "look good." I engage myself in activities that genuinely interest me; activities that define who I am. I realized that everything I needed was right in front of me up in the clouds, and all I needed were the wings to fly up and grab it.
I'm not the most intelligent, and I'm not the most kind. I'm not going to be the person who will "cure cancer" and I'm probably not going to change the world. I will be one of countless of human beings in the past, and of countless numbers in the future. Yet, even with all of these unrelenting odds...
Who's there to stop me from trying?
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Thanks guys! I just wrote this for fun as the idea popped into my head. Tell me what you think! :D
As a five year old, there was instant curiosity, (and no need)a sense of excitement and wonder at ...
I'm not the most intelligent, (comma before and is not needed) and I'm not the most kind.
Hi Jeffrey, I would like to take on the first few paragraphs of your essay and I hope it helps in your revision.
- I truly didn'tdon't know
- curiosity, and a sense of excitement,
- and wonder at the possibilities
- of the future instilled withinin me,
- Since I was a smallAs a child,
- The smell of the library as I walked
- in for the first time would, stayed - them would created an instant
- that I would have this aura ofeagerness to seek information at my fingertips.
- That was the question, I kept asking myself,
- as I would walk the narrow aisles
There you have it Jeffrey, this is just the initial remarks for your essay, I will get back to you for the rest of the essay. What I notice here is that, the punctuation marks are missing, the tense of your words are somehow, not the correct one and this is a major formation of the essay that may or may not affect the entire essay, so you have to be very careful.
Hi Jeffrey, this is a well -written and well-organized essay that was really interesting for me. Your opinion is well developed and supported. An excellent range of vocabulary is used and also the range of structures is also wide. Actually, I don't have any especial comments to improve the essay. However, just be careful about the punctuation.
Thanks @justivy and @mersad! I will certainly take another look at the punctuation. I was just wondering, would this essay stand out in college admissions? Does it effectively describe my ideals and who I am? Should I choose another topic to write about? Any ideas? Thanks guys!
Hi Jeffrey, first of all, thank you for appreciating our work here on EF, we definitely appreciate your feedback on our work.
Now, to answer your question on, if the essay can stand the admission, I may not be in the position to answer that, however, as a reviewer of your work, I must say that, you have a chance to stand in this admission. reason I say this is because, you are able to come up with a different approach on essay writing and the question or the prompt, however basic it is, you are able to come up with a pretty regular prompt with a different creativity.
Overall, you are able to convey the purpose of your essay, the language is practiced properly and the transition is in smooth running sequence.
I wish you a very good luck in this endeavor and do let us know what comes out of it, we would love to hear from you.
