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Growing up Black and Majoring in Unafraid Barnard Application


CMB19932015 3 / 18 4  
Jan 1, 2013   #1
It is a little rough any feedback is welcome and I sincerely appreciate your help!

C. Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid.

Deathly afraid of bugs I have always been. So I was apprehensive when I signed up to be a counselor in training at a camp in a bug filled forest. However, throughout the summer, I slowly conquered my fears. Whenever I saw a bug, I breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly. This all came to a head when there was a poisonous black widow spider in the latrine with me. There I was squatting over the toilet, while the black widow seemed to be staring through my bug-fearing soul from the corner. Despite every nerve in my body telling me to run out screaming, I inhaled and exhaled, finished my business, and calmly exited the latrine. That summer I faced fear and majored in the unafraid. This was a big pay off two because two summers later I was able to have a great time working in another bug filled forest as a conservation worker.

. Community - educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other - can define an individual's experience and influence her journey. How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?

"The New Black Suburbs" was an article in The New York Times that shaped my life. The article discussed my home Prince George's county and its emergence as the "new black suburb. My parents read this article and it influenced their decision to make P.G County our home. Growing up in this area has allowed me to have an intimate understanding of the complexities of the black americans, and allowed me to fully grasp that there is no way to act black but rather how an individual understands their racial status is up ot that individual. I think that as my parents hoped living in this county has given me a comfort in being a black women, but it has limited my exposure to people from other racial backgrounds and cultures. Therefore if admitted to Barnard I will bring the perspective of a women who is comfortable in her own skin but strongly desires to explore other cultures and ways of living.
Mein 4 / 22 2  
Jan 1, 2013   #2
I have always been afraid of bugs .(Sure, the original sentence may sounds better, but you shouldn't sacrifice clarity for it.) , s o I was apprehensive when I signed up to be a counselor of a training camp atbug filled ( I would delete this; I mean, isn't forest usually filled with bugs?) forest.

It was a big pay off because two summers later I was able to have a great time working in another bug filled forest as a conservation worker.

Therefore if admitted to Barnard I will bring the perspective of a women who is comfortable in her own skin but strongly desires to explore other cultures and ways of living. ( I think it's weird to touch about your university when all they want is your background.)

I might miss the other grammatical error, but I think both of your essays are good.
emalw202 3 / 9 1  
Jan 1, 2013   #3
I think aside from a few grammatical mistakes, the second one is very good. However, the first one kind of failed to resonate with me. Give more specific and emotional examples of how your fear of bugs was conquered and what you gained from that. Your example was definitely unique, but was not developed fully.


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