Growing up with an ill mom. My story

My family story

We all have some events in past which will seldom confide with friends and people around. I too share a story with my family that I had saved for the closest soul.

I grew up in a middle-class family. My family has always been thrifty. We constantly speak about hikes and cuts in our regular purchases. This constantly alerts us to live within our means and affordability and I've always valued that. It has given me an unusual common sense about living a life. While my father worked as a farmer, migrant worker, and driver at different times, he was only the breadwinner in the family of 6. My mother had been a homemaker before our story made a "turning" point.

Financial burdens led my mom to depression (suicidal) when I was in grade 8. Meanwhile, my father was a migrant worker in a gulf country. Household responsibilities came upon three brothers. I was a novice to cooking, washing-up, cleaning, looking after cattle and any other tasks except reading. I had difficult times to cope with "ill-mom" and households and still keep up with my studies. But I had no choice. Every third school days or so, I took off classes to check on my mom's suicide attempts. So, did my brothers. While other days, I wrestled with time to keep my assignments up to date. Soon I got accustomed to the new routine and all works became common. My friends might have felt strange to see me change from talkative and hilarious person to reserved and serious one. But it was just that I started listening and understanding more than I did speaking. However, I did open myself in discussions about mathematics, physics, or an upcoming test.

Despite her sickness, she taught me invaluable lessons that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. She remained an inspirer and motivator to me. She always reminded me about my responsibilities. The struggled I got through gave me the more sense of a "real" life. I changed from a child who enjoyed the warmth under a quilt to a man who takes a responsibility and rational decision in the family. I often dealt with neighbors asking them for financial help and for checking on my mom if they ever spot her escaping the house. I feel gratitude for my ability to think, problem-solve, and articulate my thoughts that I had developed over the years. Unlike the childhood time, alarms ring at early 4, and books have been closest among all for I feel education is the only way out of my every problem. Education is what will provide me a good job, make my "ill-mom" "mom" again, and give a blissful life. I see more challenges awaiting me ahead. My family is running in debts as we continuously took loans for the treatment and our education.

When I see my family photograph, I burst into tears remembering my heartbreaking story and it inspires me to continue excelling in life, even when unfavorable conditions dominate. I witnessed those hardships through which all I evolved into who I am today. My mother made me strong. Despite the brain-squeezing thoughts of countless nights I spent on the bed crying due to a test that God put on us, I feel thankful for his messages I learned. All these experiences, although insignificant to others, mean to world to me. These events run through my veins and pump through my heart, and I feel stronger every day. I have developed trust in myself to resist odds because I would never have dreamed of achievements that I have been honored to gain in life. Now, I am putting my best foot forward to give myself and my family a blissful future. The college will certainly charge more agonizing challenges at me, but I will face it straight and exceed expectations, eventually be an enduring inspiration to the students like me.

---Suggestion and edits
Help me write the first paragraph better, transit well through the paragraphs and also keep it within 650 words.
I have high regards for suggestions and edits throughout the essay.
And I am grateful for your time.

Rabin, your first paragraph is pretty much straightforward and informative. The transition sentence at the end about the transition point is good enough to segue into the next paragraph. Remove the word suicidal from the parenthesis in the second paragraph. The correct term is "suicidal depression" not "depression (suicidal)". Focus less on telling the story as it affected each member of the family and instead, focus on the story as it affected only you. That is because your other family members, included your mother, is not the focal point of the essay. You are the main subject so don't introduce too many characters, activities, and story elements that distract from that. That will also be the best way to reduce your word count. The story in itself is interesting but focuses too much on your mom and other family members.

@Holt
Thanks, I will change that term. I am confused how this essay centered more on mom while I put every sentence so carefully to highlight lessons I learned and changes I felt. Will you be able to make more detailed comments? If time permits you, please do make edits on sentences you think need rephrasing. I will be very grateful for your edited version if you would provide me one. Thank you again for you valuable time.

@Holt
Thanks, I will change that term. I am confused how this essay centered more on mom while I put every sentence so carefully to highlight lessons I learned and changes I felt. Will you be able to make more detailed comments? If time permits you, please do make edits on sentences you think need rephrasing. I will be very grateful for your edited version if you would provide me one. Thank you again for your valuable time.@Holt