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Growing up in New York City, I have seen many news reports of murder and theft.


writer4life 1 / 2  
Dec 12, 2012   #1
If someone can help me improve my essay, it would help a lot.

Prompt: Tell us about personal, social or family challenges you have faced. How have you dealt with them and how have they shaped your thinking? (500 words or less)

Growing up in New York City, I have seen many news reports of murder and theft. My parents have always told me to keep my important belongings in my book bag: wallet and keys. They said, if worse comes to worse, you should ask an adult for help. However, when I needed help, everyone denied me it.

Unfortunately, on the day I was mugged, I had my wallet in my pocket and had $22 with me because I was going to buy supplies for a project. I was waiting for the bus I take home each day. I could see three hooded people a few blocks away. They were walking in my direction. I noticed they were smoking and drinking, even though they looked like high school students. When they stood beside me, I knew something terrible was going to happen. However, I thought I was being too worrisome, and I patiently waited for the bus.

The bus arrived, and I took my wallet out to swipe my MetroCard. At that very moment, one of the three hooded people blocked the entrance and the driver's view of me. The hooded person brandished a pistol and demanded my wallet. Then one of the other hooded figures said to the gunman, "Shoot 'em, shoot the nigga!" I was frightened and desperately looked around for help; two women took a peek at me and quickly jumped into the bus. I was heartbroken that no one came to help me; I felt completely isolated. The muggers escaped with my wallet. I immediately went into the bus and shouted to the driver, "Call the police!! I was just mugged!!" The driver offered me a free pass to ride the bus. Astonished from the reply, I looked to the passengers for assistance, but they quickly turned their heads. I made my way to the back of the bus and cried into my elbows.

While I lost my faith in people, I gained the will to be self-reliant. I thought back to a Bengali proverb my father once told me: "Even a mother will not feed her baby unless the baby cries". It means that life is a constant struggle and that one must be self-reliant, even as a baby. I expected the good in humanity to prevail while I should have demanded the driver call the police. If I see an opportunity, I will seize it. I will not let it slip. If I see someone who needs help, I will help. I will not wait for someone else to help. If I see an injustice, I will try my best to correct it. I will not wait for someone else to correct it. Too many people imagine that there is a magical third-person who acts like a safety net. In fact, we must be the safety net. Each person must maximize his own economy and strive for excellence because one cannot rely on anyone else.
ah_zafari [Contributor] 40 / 672 148  
Dec 12, 2012   #2
when I needed help, everyone denied me itthere was no one to turn to

I knew(I prefer the word "felt") something terrible was going to happen

"Even a mother will not feed her baby unless the baby cries". It means that life is a constant struggle and that one must be self-reliant, even as a baby.

I think this proverb is not appropriate in this context. It means, if you want to achieve a right, you should fight for it. In my opinion, this concept is not related to the experience that you encountered. This is just my opinion and It may be wrong :(.

Overall, this is a very good work
Have fun
Ahmad


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