Describe the environment in which you were raised-your family, home, neighborhood or community-and how it influenced the person you are today
Growing up in Poland, I never imagined that 17 years later I would be applying to colleges in the U.S. My Polish ethnicity is certainly the most influential factor on the person I am today. During the time I lived there, family life was very significant along with my Catholic faith. Every weekend I was at my grandparents' house or going to church with the whole family. My tight knit family taught me the importance of being close to family throughout life.
Ironically, when I was six years old, my parents chose to move to the U.S. in hope of a better future for me. Although I only see my grandparents once every two years now, instead of every weekend, I remember every piece of life advice they have said to me. The experience of moving to the U.S. taught me how tough life can be. The last goodbyes at the airport made me question why such a sad experience had to fall upon me. As I transitioned into the life of an "American" I quickly realized I wasn't going to accomplish anything without giving it my best.
Learning the English language became my first obstacle. I became aware that in order to reach my goals I had to take every obstacle one step at a time. The constant work I had to put in into learning English paved the way for how I approached future obstacles.
Either give it your all, or don't give it anything.
Karol, to put it bluntly, the essay is not that good. The reason that it falters as a response to the prompt is because you gave summary answers to the question posed rather than giving a personal, in-depth response that would help the reviewer understand where you came from and how those influences helped you become the person you are today.
The summary stories that I read have the potential to display the character influences in your life. You should take advantage of that. Having come to the United States with your parents and leaving your grandparents behind is a traumatic experience for anyone who has to undergo it. That is why, after you described the kind of family life that you had in Poland, I was expecting to read more about your relationship with your grandparents and the Polish community you experience every time you come to visit your grandparents.
I think the essay will be helped by any reference that you can make to the influence of your grandparents in your life. Which, of the many life lessons that I know they teach you during your visits, is the one that stuck with you the most? Why does it resonate so well with you? Make a deeper connection with it that will be evident to the reviewer. Remember, you need to show how these people and events helped you become a better person today. So the very short response you gave isn't exactly as informative as it should be.
Try to revise the essay to relate more to the prompt requirements. Dig deeper, go to a personal level. It should help bring more of your identity and who you are becoming as a person into the essay.
Thank you for the help
- ...most influential factor onin the person I am today.
- ...was at my grandparents'( an apostrophe is not necessary for the word "grandparents", this is a common mistake of writers as they caution themselves for just in case situations when it comes to proper input of punctuation marks, this is very minor remark but it will make a difference if you don't have it at all )
- house or going to church with the whole family.
- My tight knit familyrelationship taught me the..
- ...importance of being close to my family throughout life.
-...advice they have said toimpart on me.
- As I transitioned into the life of an "American",
- I had to put in into learning English...
- or don't give it anything at all.
There you have it, a few enhancements from my side, I hope it helps.
