Growing up I was always sampling different types of food; UMaryland spring transfer

Please describe your past academic experiences and your reasons for wishing to enroll to XXXXXXX at this point in your academic career. Students who have been out of school for several years, or who have a personal circumstance that affected performance, may wish to address that situation in their essay. Your essay should be no more than 300 words.*

Growing up I was always sampling different types of food. My dad, a waiter, sometimes brought home some of the remaining staff meal for me to try. As goes with hospitality hours, I usually had to stay up late to catch my dad coming home from work. Here we would eat together and talk about our day, bonding over some delicious ossobuco, steak frites and sometimes my favorite dish, penne alla vodka. However, our mini midnight foodie vacations slowly began to dwindle to the point where we no longer ate together. The long hours of work began to take their toll on my aging dad and I realized that he too ached and he too was only human.

I obtained a full-time job as a busboy and attended XXXX XXXX's XXXX program---a program designed to supply low-income students with the skills necessary to thrive in college. I entered XXXX intending to graduate with a B.A. in accounting that would alleviate my dad's financial turmoil but after interning for an XXX import operations branch manager and working at XXXX XX XXXXX, I realized that food was much more than nourishment or a cure for a rumbly stomach. Food served a greater purpose---it gives mankind its energy, it changes moods, it improves lives, it provides happiness, and most importantly, it brought people together. If mishandled, food can have the opposite effect on someone and ruin experiences that would have otherwise been delightful.

My current institution won't allow me reach my goals in the ways XXX XXXXXX XX XXXXXXX could. XXXXXXXXX understands that everyone has the right to their own ambrosia and we see the importance in food. XXXXXXXXX's food science major will push me to be the student that I know I can be and I want to be pushed. XXXXXXXXX's rigorous academics and eclectic student body will help me grow as a person, in ways that my current college cannot. Having read XXXXXXXXX's mission statement, it is clear that we complement each other with my experiences as a first generation Latino-American and XXXXXXXXX's goal of introducing students from all walks of life. Though the food science major, I can use my love of food to bring my family out of poverty and show everyone in my barrio that a better life is possible. XXXXXXXXX is a perfect choice for me because in addition to its outstanding academic resources, its proximity to Washington DC offers an abundance of opportunities and most importantly the change that will help nurture my mental, spiritual, and academic growth.

To answer your question as directly as I can, this essay gives off a warm and inviting tone. Whether you've answered the question they've asked is another matter.

In terms of readability it begins well. However, no matter how clever or engaging the metaphor, this paper can't be about food.

Only at the very end do you begin to follow the actual instructions.

Do this paper again, using your conclusion as your introduction.

jkjeremy
thank you!

is this well written? i think im a poor write in comparison to the other candidates.

My current institution won't allow me to reach my goals in the ways The XXX could. XXXX's food science understands that everyone has the right to their own ambrosia and we see the importance in food. I'm currently attending XXX XXX through XXX---a program designed to supply low-income students with the skills necessary to thrive in college. I am grateful for having been granted this opportunity but XXX doesn't have a food science major nor does its student body share the same passion I have for food. My academic performance reflects my desire in supplementing my family's financial turmoil. Actually, I thank my dad for instilling this love of food in me.

My dad, a waiter, occasionally brought home some of the remaining staff meal for me to try. As goes with hospitality hours, I usually had to stay up late to catch my dad coming home. Here we would eat together and talk about our day, bonding over some delicious ossobuco, steak frites and sometimes my favorite dish, penne alla vodka. However, our mini midnight foodie vacations slowly began to dwindle to the point where we no longer ate together. The long hours of work began to take their toll on my aging father and I realized that he too ached and that my Superman, too, was only human.

I want to be a XXX XXX. I want to contribute to the diverse student body at XXX in contrast to the ethnic enclave that I find myself in at XXXX XXX. I truly am thankful for being part of the XXX program at XXXX XXX but I'm not being challenged. XX will push me to be the student I know I can be and I want to be pushed. Having read XXX's mission statement, it is clear that we complement each other with my experiences as a first generation Latino-American and XXX's goal of introducing students from all walks of life. XXX has a beautiful campus and a strong sense of school spirit that cultivate's a positive learning environment that I dream of being part of. Though the XXX's Food Science major, I can use my love of food to bring my family out of poverty and show everyone in my barrio that a better life is possible. XXXX is a perfect choice for me because in addition to its outstanding academic resources, its proximity to Washington DC offers an abundance of opportunities and most importantly the change that will help nurture my intellectual, spiritual, and academic growth.

Sorry I'm late in responding. We can keep some (although not much) of what you've written above.

Let's try this another way...

Take a look at the prompt:

Please describe your past academic experiences and your reasons for wishing to enroll to XXXXXXX at this point in your academic career. Students who have been out of school for several years, or who have a personal circumstance that affected performance, may wish to address that situation in their essay. Your essay should be no more than 300 words.

---Write about 150 words about your past academic experiences. Do NOT criticize your previous school. Instead, tell what you learned there.

---Write about 150 words telling why you want to attend XXXXXXX. Why is that school a good fit for YOU?

Don't discuss your family anywhere (yet).

Then we'll do the introduction and conclusion.

Don't worry about the word count yet. I will get it down to where it needs to be.

Soon you'll see where we're going with this.

When's it due?

/Jkjeremy/

This is due august 1st...

I would like to transfer to the xxxxx for its food science major. My current institution, xxxxx doesn't have a food science major and the reason I enrolled was strictly financial. I'm an Accounting major and was accepted into xxx xxxx program --- a program for low-income students to develop the skills necessary to thrive in college. Students of this program also received financial assistance by being given bi-yearly checks of about $2,500. I used this to pay for books, transportation and to help my parents with the rent, which is completely in accordance with what the money is designated for. At xxx xxxx, I developed a multitude of friendships and did fairly well with an exception in xxxx 103, a class that taught "urban learners" how to behave in a classroom. Baruch's strict attendance policy in hand with my full-time job led to a WU in this course, although I obtained a B+ in the indentical pre-requisite course, xxxx 102

Xxx is the perfect choice for me with respect to the Food Science CORE curriculum which I feel will push me and I want to be pushed. The core classes will shape me into a well-rounded student and the diverse student body will stimulate my growth into a well-rounded individual. Xxxx lacks this diversity with a majority of its students coming from the same neighborhoods and same socioeconomic status. Having interned in the FDA and spending a considerable amount of time in the food service industry can attest to my strong desire in the Food Science major. I'm also an intern for xxxxxxx, a non-profit organization that aims to help immigrant families adapt and succeed in America. Xxxx participates in many events that take place in Washington DC, which xxx proximity will allow me partake in, more often. Xxxx is a perfect choice for me because in addition to its outstanding academic resources, the strong academic environment and pride that one takes in being a Terrapin will foster intellectual, spiritual, and academic growth.

Most of this first paragraph deals more with past financial experiences than academic ones.

Remove the stuff I crossed out. Then write about a couple positive recent experiences you've had in school.

The second paragraph is fine (content-wise) for now. We'll edit it later.