The essay is an important part of your application. It assists the University in learning about you as an individual, independent of your academic grade point average, test scores, and other objective data. Your essay should be no longer than 500 words.
- The Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
here is my essay:
Right now I'm just another name in a stack of papers. This is my chance to show who I am, aside from my grades. I'm unique in character, strong, morally sound, and always reaching to meet the standards I set for myself.
Most people wouldn't see strength in a story about not making the team. In my junior year of high school I signed up for flag football. Before tryouts, the team did conditioning after school. Knowing I lack in the athleticism department, I pushed myself to improve, and to show the coach I have what it takes. So much so that I ended up pulling muscles I didn't even know I had. A week later, I hobbled to tryouts and gave it my all. Some would anticipate disappointment, but all I could think was, "So what if I didn't make the team?" I surpassed my own expectations, injuries and all. It took serious physical strength to tryout that day (and to walk afterwards). I also reflect intellectual strength. I've never been one to settle for mediocrity or accept the easy way out. All throughout high school I chose classes that were challenging and would take me out of my comfort zone. Finally, I stand up for my beliefs everyday at school, and it takes a large amount of moral strength. I can face temptation and peer pressure with more strength, because of my foundation in God. It's easier for me to turn down drugs, alcohol, or anything else that will take away from my potential, because of the strength my faith gives me.
The kind of character I reflect to others is important to me. I set very high standards and I hate disappointing myself, my family or my friends. I've always tried to be someone that is dependable and trustworthy. Even as a kid, I'd tell on myself because lying to my parents just wasn't an option. After my first kiss, I went home crying and told my mom about it because I thought I'd done something wrong. To this day, I still get teased. As cliché as it sounds, honesty really is the best policy; I always do my best to live up to that saying.
I chase after skill and knowledge because I want to be the best person I can possibly be. I can't think of anything more rewarding than being able to demonstrate what I'm capable of through what I have given rise to. That's why I've always loved art classes. Making a painting, or piece of jewelry was rewarding, I got to see my skill and hard work displayed in a beautiful way.
Hopefully now I'm no longer just a name to you. I'm a unique story of strength, skill, and character. My life reflects a special blend of values that contribute to the person I am. I am proud to say that Vires, Artes, and Mores and the values that contribute to this philosophy are reflected in my life.
hi Jenny Stevens.
OK. i basically wanted to say your matter that focuses on you being different.
you come to me FROM THIS ESSAY a very pious character.
"In my case, it exemplifies the kind of strength I have." although i like the whole para very much however this line comes across as arrogant.
Mores point has good content but you repeat the first sentence. maybe you can give an example from your life that you did to show how controlled you are as a person.
"take me out of my comfort zone." please give an example in short things.
See, why i am asking for ex. is because there will be thousands of essays in each college and many fake. you must not come in that category.
so rack your brains and personalize the essay more so that i seems coming from heart and not brain. :) good luck.
Let's not take the issue of kiss and all that because it shows your a rigid person. There are many who believe in God and have do things of ordinary life normally. God has not asked you to forsake everything in life but asked you to lead a simple life of non-violence and being kind to others.
1) are interested in animals? if yes, get some volunteer work done and write that saying your attached to animals. that shows your compassionate to the environment and animals. That is HOT issue.
2) Which classes challenged and brought you out of comfort zone? why? there kids who earn $86 on their own study in night and score amazingly good. See, its not easy just to say that. You need to add more meat to the issue.
3)Character... what is character? do you help poor? do care for animals/environment or some issue that shows you're then just values? You need to mention all this and
4)"So what if I didn't make the team?" I surpassed my own expectations....this line shows your satisfied being a loser. I am not able to feel the fire in you to say, "YES, i am going to win ". college needs winners and not losers.
Keep working. Read some sample essays here and their critic and then start writing.
Don't lose heart. i am also applying for undergrad this year and my essays are also taking months. i have posted one. Keep working. :)
Right now I'm just another name in a stack of papers. This is my chance to show who I am, aside from my grades. I'm unique in character, strong, morally sound, and always reaching to meet the standards I set for myself.
This material is good, but it does not fit in the essay. I don't like to advise you to chop good material, but really I think you can be bold and begin the essay with this sentence that really introduces the theme:
Most people wouldn't see strength in a story about not making the team. --- this is very interesting.
I also reflect intellectual strength. --- no, don't say "I reflect..." say something like "My process also reflects..." or "My accomplishments also reflect..."
Okay, by the end of that first para you have talked about all the virtues, but this will leave you with a thin essay. I hope you will revise in a way that allows you to go deep into ONE concept. That is what an essay is all about: going deep into a concept.
I like a lot of your sentences, and I like the way you brought it back to that theme of trying to be more than just a name. I guess this theme could possible pull it all together and be that concept that the whole essay is about... but that is tough. It is almost too cliche or typical to talk about how you are just a name, an application in a stack. It is too obvious to be a good theme. So.. I think you should take this great material and go deep into one concept -- one virtue -- and make a connection with your intentions for the future...
I'm suggesting a heavy revision so that you can go deep in your contemplation of a single concept instead of trying to cover everything.
:-)
i wanted to add... something.
*I also reflect intellectual strength.... I've never been one to settle for mediocrity or accept the easy way out....I chose classes that were challenging and would take me out of my comfort zone....I stand up for my beliefs everyday at school, and it takes a large amount of moral strength. I can face temptation and peer pressure with more strength, because of my foundation in God. It's easier for me...
see too many 'i' and all that will make essay sound you lot of hot air. pick one or two issue and focus on that with EXAMPLES from life to prove them...
cheers :)
