can anyone help look this over for me?
Prompt #1
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
As one would expect at the school with the highest SAT scores in the state, academic priorities predominate all others. The life of a typical Gunn High School student, and his continuous struggle for good grades, goes as follows. Monday through Thursday consists of homework, studying for tests, and after-school sports and activities, leaving no time for socializing. Fridays, which are usually something to look forward to, are often dreaded by most students because of all the tests scheduled. Once the final bell rings, instead of gaily skipping out of class and singing about the weekend ahead, there is always the lingering regret of not performing as well on a test as one could have. Due to this obsessive emphasis on grades, the sense of pride one feels after finally understanding the concept behind derivatives or price elasticity of demand has been completely overshadowed by the score that one receives for a test on that chapter. The focus of school has slowly been shifting from getting a good education now, to getting a good education in the future by receiving exceptional grades now.
This idea that has evolved out of growing competition is obviously flawed, but because it is so central in my community, it has shaped my way of thinking. I have found that one cannot just act as a ball of clay waiting to be molded by society's hands. Instead, each one of us must be the sculptor of our lives, absorbing the advice of those around us while putting our own creative twist on it. While I admire the work ethic of others in their mission to receive high grades, and attempt to mimic their diligence, I feel that focusing on the learning aspect of school will better prepare me for the future.
Instead of focusing on one career early on and taking classes accordingly, I have enrolled in a variety of classes in order to find a subject that I am passionate about. Although I have yet to discover this golden passion in one particular subject, there is still an assortment of topics that interest me and guide me in a general direction. By having a solid understanding of a vast array of knowledge at my fingertips, I feel less restricted, and more able to experiment different paths in life. Throughout high school I have seen the results of sole-devotion to grades, and due to these observations I have chosen to stray away from that particular view point, hopefully, this will lead to a more satisfactory future for me.
The focus of school has slowly been shiftinghas been shifted from getting a good education now to getting a good education in the future by receiving exceptional grades now. Might want to break this into two sentences.
I have foundrealized that one can not just act as a ball of clay waiting to be molded by society's hands. Instead, each one of us must be the sculptor of our lives, absorbing the advice of those around us, while putting our own creative twist on it. LOVE THIS SENTENCE :)
I like the way you flow your essay. Eventhough you though you yet to find your passion in life you described how you strive to find that passion I like that. Although one advice, it seems that you have many focus in just one sentence. Try splitting every heavy sentence into two this will make your essay flow better.
