Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
"I got the highest test grade today," "I have too much to study for and can't stand this ridiculous amount of homework." The accomplishments and nuisances of my everyday life soon became trivial to me after the earthquake in Haiti. The culture shock I experienced from the massive influx of children arriving at my highschool, from Haiti, was enough to break open the hardboiled eggshell of school and academia to reveal a more fragile, tenuous inside where easy, smooth comforts were lacking. Teenagers my age did not know basic English words and were baffled by this foreign place, they had been sent to "learn." They had to find the academic push they needed to rebuild their education while trying to balance the emotional turmoil resulting from the loss of loved ones, and leaving their home country. Both my parents came from Haiti to America as teenagers in much different times. To see the overwhelming differences that exist between the Haitian students and myself was a real eye opener. I have never had the problem of having to learn a second language in a very short period of time in order to survive, or deal with the emotional trauma that comes with leaving my home country behind. I internalized their struggle. Many nights as I lay in my bed with my earphones in, and my television on, I wondered if my new friend Steeve even had a bed. The scientific advanced research I have done in biochemistry is not common to find in third world countries like Haiti yet. I have met so many bright students who have to same proclivities for science as I do and also dream of becoming a doctor. From this experience, I have become more appreciative about the doors that have been open for me. My compassion for others has been given a new energy. As editor-in-chief of my high school's paper, I was able to use my passion for Journalism for a greater cause by assisting these Haitian earthquake victims in their school work and also aid them with grammar skills. I have gained better communication skills and developed better personal bonds with other teens because of this significant experience. Though hugs and counseling are effective forms of emotional healing, I decided to shed a new light on expression through words. The same Haitian earthquake victims that other pupils doubted their abilities, showed remarkably talented skills in drawing, poetry, and other types of artistry involving their hands. After tutoring a few students, I realized how I could really help them. I was inspired to create a website dedicated to Haitian artwork done by young students at my high school. As a student at Emory University, this part of my high school history will enable me to meet other students who seen as smooth as that eggshell but whom I now know may be on their on rocky journey, and we will go on together.
Can you please make any comments or revisions on my common application essay. I would appreciate it!
Very unique topic, however the sentence "To see the overwhelming differences that exist between the Haitian students and myself was a real eye opener" needs a follow up . It feels like something is missing there to back up that statement!
overall its great! Good luck!
Great sentence here: Teenagers my age did not know basic English words and were baffled by this foreign place (no comma necessary here) they had been sent to "learn."
... loved ones, and leaving their home country. (start a new paragraph)
...
Both my parents came from Haiti to America as...
typo?--->Steeve even had a bed.
As a student at Emory University, this part of my high school history will enable me to meet other students who (seen as smooth as that eggshell??) but whom I now know may be on their on rocky journey, and we will go on together.
I like the ending, but I got confused by that sentence... did you mean "seem?"
