I already used this essay for Rutgers. I need to change it to fit my common app question.
Any feedback/comments would be greatly appreciated ASAP! Thank you very much! :)
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
Growing up, I was exposed to different cultures other than my own. My parents worked at a clothes store in the urban streets of Newark for fifteen years. They were the perfect example of hopeful immigrants who struggled to pursue the American dream. As soon as I was tall enough to see above the counter, I worked at the cash register and met many interesting customers. The exposure to a wide array of cultures such as Haitians, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, Africans, and Italians made it possible for me to respect different values, traditions, and beliefs.
My familiarity with diverse backgrounds sparked my curiosity to learn about my own culture. I began to realize why my mother determinedly woke me up every Saturday morning to attend the Korean school in Tenafly. Back then, I found it unfair that my friends were asleep while I studied a complex language and took Tae Kwon Do classes. Eight difficult years of learning ancient calligraphy, Korean folk music, and the traditional fan dance, gave me a profound understanding and knowledge of my culture. In high school, I felt connected to the Korean community and a burning desire to give back. I volunteered at an organization called America Wheat Mission. It gave me the chance to contribute by caring for Korean children with disabilities. With my bilingual skills, I taught English and played games with the children. It became clear that an education opened up more opportunities to make a difference.
As a violinist, I learned to appreciate diverse cultures through my love for music. I studied all kinds of music since the 1st grade, ranging from the sophisticated work of Mozart to Irish fiddle music. Watching the New York Philharmonic perform in North Korea was astonishing. Despite their political differences, the United States and North Korea bonded through the arts. The orchestra proved to the world that music transcends any boundary and has the power to unite people. It made me realize that I could use music, which had always been my personal passion, to benefit others. After the devastating earthquake struck Haiti, my string quartet played at a fundraising dinner to raise money for the victims. It was a meaningful experience because my community came together to work toward a charitable cause.
Triathlon is another passion of mine. Since middle school, my summers were spent training with my dad and competing in over ten different states. After finishing second place in Pennsylvania and first place in the Dr. Jays Oceanside triathlon, I knew that triathlon was the sport for me. I am currently preparing for a half ironman race next year and my goal is to qualify for the Ironman Triathlon World Championship in Hawaii.
On a planet that is quickly globalizing, it is crucial to step outside our comfort zone and see the outside world. ____University places great importance on recruiting students from diverse backgrounds and cultures. By listening to the ideas, life stories, opinions, and dreams of other students, I will be challenged to grow and employ interdependence. With the help of the brilliant professors at ____ University, I look forward to expanding my knowledge base to become an effective global citizen. I believe that my musical ability, athleticism, cultural sensitivity, and commitment to life-long learning will benefit the ____ community. I plan to use my triathlon background to introduce other students to the excitement of endurance sports and physical fitness. I also want to continue playing the violin with other talented musicians to support the arts and make a difference in the community.
Growing up, I was exposed to
different cultures other than my own.
My parents worked at a clothing store in the urban streets of Newark for fifteen years.
In high school, I felt connected to the Korean community and had a burning desire to give back.
It soon became clear that an education would give me more opportunities to make a difference.
I've studied all kinds of music since the 1st grade, ranging from ...
It made me realize that I could use music, which has always been my personal passion, to benefit others.
Nice essay! You answered the prompt and didn't use a lot of unnecessary words, which is important. Good luck in school, and have fun!