Hamilton is a school that teaches students to speak and write clearly. I wrote the essay based on a true story. Please help me have a look. Thanks a lot!
Why Hamilton
I have two habits since childhood. The first one is making friends; the second one is chatting with them. After travelling together in the world of history, politics, and our future dreams, I was always extremely excited for finding another bosom friend. Since then I had enjoyed the happiness of speaking and was eager to talk to anyone.
One day in August 2008, I got the news that one of our schoolmates, Ding, was going to study in an American college. He was an outstanding figure in our school. Unfortunately, I never had the chance to meet him, not to mention talk. I went to the farewell party excitedly, but was quite embarrassed because I didn't know what to talk about. At last, I put forward the most awkward question.
"Excuse me, which school are you going?"
"Hamilton."
I never heard of this word, but I still imprint the name on my memory. It was a pity that my first meeting him was also the last. Before saying goodbye, an idea popped into my mind: I can get his e-mail. Upon arriving home, I sent a long e-mail fully expressed my wishes.
More than I could imagine at that time, the e-mail started our communication which extended for a year when I established friendship with him. Making a friend purely by written words, I began realizing the magic of writing. Meanwhile, I read everything in his blog: form the start of the new student orientation in August 23rd, to his first composition spent 10 hours to finish.... Finishing the last feast: Class and Charter Day on May, 9th, 2009, I suddenly felt a loss facing the long holiday with nothing to read regularly every Friday evening: I have to wait for three months for the next semester. I found the excitement of reading a novel in which both the swimming test and alcohol had been engraved in my mind. I anticipated the Season II and even wanted to live in that colorful world myself.
Last month, my friend Zack showed me his new issued magazine. Turning the pages, I was shocked by one article: it was from Ding's blog. "No kidding." I laughed, "This is a free write. How can you use this?"
"Read this," Zack said, "read the opinion, demonstration and logic. I think it's worth putting in a magazine. Then I e-mailed him for publication."
"He is really a great writer," I thought. "Did the college teach this?" I entered the site of Hamilton with the question. Three words flashed: write, learn, and think. Yes, the answer was here. I made the decision to apply almost at once. But the reasons behind had accumulated for years when I logged in his blog every Friday, when I typed each word in my e-mails with genuine emotion, and when I talked with my friends happily.
My reflection did not end. Had not I loved talking with everyone, I would not have made so many friends; had not I written that long e-mail on a whim to one I met only once, I would not have met Hamilton, either. For me, the power of language rests in happiness and satisfaction of communication. Why am I applying for Hamilton? More than any ambition, I am looking for a place where I can learn how to express my thoughts to get resonance and friendship. Maybe when I am writing, a next child like me is also constructing his dream in my words.
I felt some my habits: writing and talking match the feature of the school. I am not sure if I express the meaning well enough because I tell the story in most words. Please review...Thanks!
take this critically as I'm a 14er too..
after reading your essay I got very deep impression of your schoolmate, but I did not get a deeper impression on how Hamilton and you(not your schoolmate) 'connected'. I got your idea that it's a perfect school for writing and expression, but I believe Hamilton is more than that. After all it's not a language school right?
In my opinion you could tell how your schoolmate helped you to find Hamilton, but the focus should not be on that. Elaborate further about the connection between YOU and the school SPIRIT.
Plus, I don't think people would say excuse me (bao4 qian4)before they ask a schoolmate which college they attend. It sounds like 'excuse me, how can I get to the nearest post office?'
Again, take this comment critically. I'm working on my essay these days as well >< good luck!
