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"hanging out with psychiatric patients" - U of I - Supplement


Oleh 5 / 33  
Nov 21, 2010   #1
In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

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Fearing for their children's safety and mentality, Parents warn their children not to associate with the "wrong crowd," but for me, hanging out with psychiatric patients had the exact reverse effect. Initially, I enrolled into the Teen Summer Volunteer Program at Barnes-Jewish Hospital with two reasons: an excuse to get out of the house and away from my parents, and a philanthropic use of my summer to appeal myself to colleges.

First week was absolute horror. I kept my distance from patients and tried not to make eye contact with the doctors. My stereotypical judgment of the mentally-ill from television shows kept me away from establishing a true relationship with the patients. However, warm welcome from both the staff and the patients allowed me to open up and socialize with them. Most of the patients had a valid and explainable reason for their hospitalization: parental abuse, economic strain, peer pressure, and may more. I listened to their "untold" stories and realized I could be part of their family. Day after day, the time spent making necklaces, playing pool, and just talking with the patients felt like I was at home. "Volunteering" did not seem like volunteering to me, it was love.

Although I volunteered for the wrong reasons, this opportunity directed towards my potential career. I gained my love for Psychiatry and learned how to connect with mental patients. The patients' emotional stories and their genuine tears touched my heart and directed me towards my rightful path. While I thought I was being selfless and helpful to others for volunteering, it was me who profited from it.
leia624 4 / 5  
Nov 21, 2010   #2
I really think style of your essay is good! You've got intro body and conclusion and you've got "what" and "why" as well.

If you can write more, maybe you should add sentenses to explain what this event changed you or your perspecitves or anything!

Good supplement though!! :)
OP Oleh 5 / 33  
Nov 21, 2010   #3
Thank you so much!
I would like some grammatical/ structure comments though
ro51092 2 / 4  
Nov 23, 2010   #4
While I do think this is written well, do you really want to mention that you did it for the wrong reasons? It's totally your call.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 29, 2010   #5
Don't capitalize parents:
Fearing for their children's safety and mentality, Parents warn...

had the exact reverse opposite effect.

This has a nice ending!!

Too much description of the experience and not enough reflection on the implications. What schools of psych interest you most? Talk about the specific plans you made as a result of this.

I don't think it is bad that you did it for the wrong reasons; this essay is all about something you learned... and it is really cool!


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