Hi anyone who can help me,
I have been reading my essay so much that the words are blurring together. I need a fresh perspective.
the prompt is: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
thanks for any help
When every muscle in my body aches, dirt is under my fingernails, and trees surround me; I am at my happiest. All I need is map of the trail and someone by my side. Backpacking for two weeks on the Appalachian Trail the summer before my junior year changed me forever. During that trip my love for the outdoors grew, and I discovered that the journey is even more beautiful than the destination.
Two days before the trip was going to start, I learned that I had strep throat. I was determined to prove that I was healthy enough to be hiking with antibiotics, but I had doubts echoing in my head. The medicine made me feel slow and weak, and I felt like I was holding back the rest of the group. I fell down on the second day and badly scraped my knee which shook my confidence. I was hiking in a group but felt isolated, stuck inside my head thinking about my problems more than connecting with the other teens.
While I was lost in my own world, we were getting closer to the part of the trip that I was dreading, Mahoosuc Notch, "the longest, hardest mile" of the AT. In this section the trail is blocked by boulders that hikers have to either crawl over or shimmy under. I bonded with my group as we worked as a team to find the safest way through the maze of rocks. I felt comfortable that night opening up and talking to the group about how my fears of inadequacy had disappeared with their support and how now I felt like I could do anything.
When I was connected with the group, the hiking was more enjoyable. The daytimes were filled with panoramic views from tall peaks, and at night we played card games and talked about sustainability and the environment. We read The Lorax while watching a red sunset. The words of Dr. Seuss made us want to be the people that change society. I started to think about what I wanted to do in the future; all I knew was that I was going to make a difference in the world and share my passion for the environment with my peers.
That summer I discovered a new focus of environmentalism. My passion grew because I wanted to maintain the views I saw on top of the mountains. Also I was motivated by talking with other teens who were inspired by nature. My half formed idea condensed during my junior year into a vision of improving green technology with new environmentally friendly materials. I decided that I will give back and volunteer with teen adventure groups like the one that originally enlightened me. My vision makes me hopeful that humans can reverse the damage that we have done to the environment if we work together.
While I was lost in my own world, we were getting closer to the part of the trip that I was dreading, Mahoosuc Notch, "the longest, hardest mile" of the AT. In this section the trail is blocked by boulders that hikers have to either crawl over or shimmy under. I bonded with my group as we worked as a team to find the safest way through the maze of rocks.
the longest, hardest part can be developed more to make the experience seem longer and harder. It seems like there is a lot of jumping around different events, and maybe you should just focus on one event and only highlight one theme.
