UC #1:
Topic: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community, or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
As this one is a little longer than I want it to be, please note anything that seems irrelevant or unnecessary that can be omitted.
As the school's liberty bell tolls on a Friday afternoon, I rush to begin my utopian afternoon of oil painting, exercising, and cooking. My afternoons not only reflect my idea of fun, but also hint at my desire to achieve both physical and mental health. When I think back to how my afternoons came to be spent like this, I am able to paint a more succinct picture of the major influences that have contributed to my hostess-like personality, imagination, and life aspirations.
After witnessing my parents battle tyrannical employers and build up two entirely new businesses, they came to represent my fundamental idea of success. However, I believe that my outgoing personality and fascination with physical health are rooted elsewhere. Since the age of six, athletics have been the silent shapers of my long-term dreams. By presenting different meanings of success and causing me to realize my role in others' lives, athletics have given me the opportunity to explore my lively persona and develop cooperation skills with others.
From the moment I picked up that textured orange ball on the school playground, my life revolved around basketball for the following eight years. I spent hours imagining opponents trying to block my game-winning shot. "Swoosh." In my world, every shot went in. In the real world, I fractured almost every finger playing the sport I loved. With every visit to the orthopedic doctor, I became more interested in looking at the x-rays and what the doctor was doing to fix the bone than finding out when I was going to be able to play again. By eighth grade, I was one of the only students known to attend the gym every night. Exercise became a source of relaxation and my interest in how the body functions became an obsession. In my eyes, the body is one's most prized possession and I was more than eager to learn what I could do in order to protect, heal, and improve it.
To this day, everything about the human body fascinates me. I dream of learning how to help others improve their quality of life, and am confident that this can become a reality by pursuing a career in physical therapy. In this career linking my gregarious personality and love of physiology, people who were once complete strangers to me can benefit from my professional guidance on the road to recovery.
My highest goals no longer involve only monetary success or professional acclaim but also personal fulfillment. This fulfillment often visits when I am painting a new picture, cooking a deliciously nutritious meal for friends and family, or in the imaginary playhouse drinking "magical" tea with my four-year-old sister. As I approach the next stage in my life, I am ready to experience a new type of fulfillment- one that comes when using my passion to help others enjoy their lives. Now that I am unable to restrain myself from chasing down and seizing opportunities, I have faith that the happy and healthy world I have always envisioned will one day come together.
UC #2:
Topic: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
I'm not sure if the essay I wrote below applies directly enough to the prompt, so please give your most honest and critical feedback in terms of contect. Thank you so much!
Four years ago, I lost my title as an only child and became the leading influence in another individual's life. This individual is my four-year-old sister, a little blonde Barbie doll who represents a worry-free and happily everlasting perspective on life. Knowing that everything I say and do will be imitated by her urges me to set the most positive example possible. At the dinner table or a local park, having fun with this jovial toddler has become therapeutic. Whenever she is able to sense that I am stressed or frustrated, she never fails to remind me that life should be fun, and invites me to play in her imaginary magical world.
Upon first being told about an addition to the family after being an only-child for thirteen years, I did not exactly look forward to the attention and sleep I would soon be robbed of. By the time she was born, I accepted my potential losses and was even given the privilege of choosing my future sister's name, Marissa. However, the first months of drastic change were not particularly enjoyable. Adults falsely assumed I was an "irresponsible teenage mother" when I ran errands for my family at the grocery store with Marissa in the cart. But despite this, I began to feel as though she was the showpiece that reflected my influences on her developing mind. In my eyes, my parents were the material providers of the ultimate doll. I was there to feed her, play with her, and put her to sleep, but drew the line at changing diapers.
By age two, Marissa's incessant walking and talking attracted attention everywhere, but I was the least bit jealous of this precious child's radiant effect on all people, both young and old. I was always right next to her, idolizing her ability to block out all sense of judgment while performing her "interpretive dances" or animal imitations. I was almost certain that I would never be able to conduct myself in the same way with complete strangers as friends and family in the way she did. Months later however, I realized that my outer shell had slowly been disintegrating and my sister's outgoing vivacity had been rubbing off on me. It remains evident to any observer that we admire each other.
Over the past four years, I have learned to appreciate having a younger sibling who looks up to and learns from me. I have learned about myself not only through spontaneous experiences, but also by embracing her into the family, becoming her role model, and adapting her outgoing, confident, and open approaches to the world into my own life. Whether my experiences with her make me laugh or cry, I feel a sense of maturity every time I learn how to handle each situation. Understanding that I have had an astounding impact on this child's life thus far has influenced me to set only the best example of living a happy and healthy lifestyle. As she is now at the age where learning occurs at an exponential rate, my influence is stronger than ever. There is no way I will ever be embarrassed to push this driving force in my life up and down the aisles in fear of being ridiculed and inaccurately labeled.
Good afternoon :)
In regards to the first piece, as long as it fits the word count requirement, I'd leave it alone. It's not too wordy, it's not too long, and you use the space effectively.
In regards to the second piece, avoid beginning your sentences with transitory/conjunctive words such as "but." In regards to content, I think it is a wonderful answer to the prompt. You stick to the topic and explain how the experience of having her in your life has influenced you. Your last sentence describes how it makes you proud. I think these are both great pieces. Nice work.
Regards,
Gloria
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