Hi everyone! So this is my common app essay. im thinking about putting it under topic of choice maybe? im not sure if it fits the other prompts though. what do you guys think? i just wrote it too so i need grammar check and a way to shorten it please thank you!
Hello! I want you to be happy.
My mother told me that when I was born, I did not scream and cry in pain like all those babies do on television, I was a peaceful baby who cried smiling. So I guess that means I was born happy right?
When I was small, I took delight in drawing smiley faces all over my walls. I was completely frightened of those "evil" sad faces, and always cried when my mom or dad gave me a dirty look or when my baby brothers mutilated my cheerful faces to sad faces on my walls. Whenever I cried or felt dejected, I would avoid looking at myself in the mirror because I would be terrified to see myself in despair. Since childhood, I cherished smiles and laughter. My favorite Disney song was "Everybody has a Laughing Place" and my favorite place was of course, the Happiest Place on Earth, Disneyland. I often had nightmares about the grouchy Scrooge finding me in the blissful theme park.
My penchant for happiness further developed as I grew older. While I was able to experience more blissful moments like friendly social gatherings, I also learned to brave and understand those vestiges of unhappiness that sometimes plague my peers. As a child, I assumed those frowns and tears on people's faces were poison to humanity, but now I understand that in some situations (funerals) frowns and tears are necessary to relieve negative, self-inflicting emotions. But at the same time, I do not believe too much anguish and detrimental perturbations are desirable for mankind. To help minimize and prevent an expansion of these undesirables locally (I will work my way up to universally), I commenced, not too long ago, a "Be Happy" campaign. Similar to the Free Hug Campaign where participants hold up signs offering "Free Hugs," I hold up signs (usually my school folders) that encourage people to "Be Happy." Some may fancy the idea childish, but all I care is that it helps me fulfill my mission: encouraging people to smile and feel that someone in the world wants them to be happy.
It all started in high school, freshmen year. With my ever-present smile, I was walking down a hallway when I saw a girl weeping behind a classroom door. Curious and taken aback, I approached her.
"What's wrong?" I amiably asked, still wearing my unfaltering smile. I loved talking to strangers.
The girl looked up, surprised I was addressing her. "I failed a Pre-Calculus test! I have no chance of getting into college now."
"Aww I'm sure it was not that bad! Do you want to talk about it? I have a few minutes before my class starts." She nodded. As I sat down next to her, I noticed on the floor a lonely white board with a dry-erase marker, as if the two were waiting for someone to use them. Suddenly I thought of an idea. With the marker in hand, I drew a happy face and wrote "Be Happy" on the white board. Yes I know, that was a random thing to do, but I am a random person sometimes. What mattered was that it made her smile.
"Aww that's cute," she laughed, and then we talked about my spontaneity. When I had to get to class she was beaming and said, "Thank you Chan Chuan! I feel happy now."
After that successful outcome, every time I come across a person crying in the hallways over a test or a sour relationship, I draw them a happy picture: a smiley face, a cartoon, a Christmas tree, even a Pokémon. I wrote my message to "Be Happy" on a piece of paper, a tissue, a folder, a hand, a paper lunch bag, even an apple once! Some thought I was crazy, but I did not care. So far, I always got what I wanted - their smiles and laughter.
Right now, my campaign may have only affected a small amount of unhappy people, but I am determined to expand. Now, I carry my hand-made "Be Happy" folders around wherever I go, and show it to homeless people, unhappy businessmen, crying children, stressed mothers, and basically everybody who wears a frown. Who knows, maybe one day I will garner the same kind of attention as Juan Mann, the man who launched the Free Hug Campaign, and have my campaign in a music video seen by the whole world. Or maybe I can think of my own creative way to increase awareness for my campaign. As for now I'm working on it one person at a time, so I hope my essay inspires you to feel joyful too. If not, "Be Happy" and smile.
aww this is a really cute essays- what schools are you using it for? I think it's really original and well written as well.
some thoughts-
this quote:
"I feel like I failed a Pre-Calculus test that practically determines my whole semester grade! I feel like I'm not going to college."
-take out the "i feels"-it just muddles the meaning
After that successful outcome, every time I saw a person cry in the hallways over a test or a sour relationship, I drew them a happy picture (a smiley face, a cartoon, a Christmas tree, even Pokemon!) and wrote my message to "Be Happy" on a piece of paper, a tissue, a folder, their hand, someone's paper lunch bag, even on an apple once!
-WAY too long of a sentence. revise/make into multiple sentences
So far, I always got what I want - their smiles and even laughter.
-wrong verb tense
the last sentence, write out smile rather than the symbol
good job!
can you help with my last thread please? its called youth and government for stanford
thank you shannon! i will read yours too!
are taking the actual words from your conversation with the girl? they just sounded a little... fake is the best word i guess. i agree with taking out the i feel part, maybe the oh dear part as well.
instead of
"I feel like I failed a Pre-Calculus test that practically determines my whole semester grade! I feel like I'm not going to college."
try making it more emotional maybe...
"i failed my pre-calc test. now i'm going to fail the whole semester and my parents will kill me"
or
"I failed a Pre-Calculus test that practically determines my whole semester grade! Now i won't get accepted into college."
Good luck!
Ayshaya
please review mine too. "blue eyes" - common app essay - person who has influenced me.
like all those babies you see on TV
like many babies do on movies
turned my happy faces' smiles upside down
mutilated my happy face into a sad face.
Yet, I don't believe too much unhappiness is good for the world.
But at the same time, I do not(
get rid of contraction) believe unhappiness is [good for the world].
garner the same kind of attention as Juan Mann
garner the same amount of impact as Juan Mann
the guy who started the Free Hug Campaign and have my campaign seen by the whole world in a music video.
,creator of the Free Hug Campaign
=).
and smile.
I like the message of this essay. It is very unique.
I noticed the comments you made on my common app essay. I never had a chance to thank you :D. Can you please take a look at my NYU supplements, they are down below the same thread:thank you everyone! i will read all of yours soon.
does any part of my essay sound unneccessary? i need to shorten it..
thank you again!! (=
yes i agree with twizzlestraw. you have a very good topic but it needs to sound more inteligent. word choice and sentence structure will help with that. I also feel like your essay needs more structure. try to make it flow better. :)
Great intro. Epic Ending = ) .. But, I also advise against the :D ending because you have enough "happy" in the essay.
Hmm. Well, i am a happy person... :D, but at one point, I feel, you should get serious. What I mean is... I see "happy" written all over this essay - beginning, middle, and end.
There's too much off it, and I feel overwhelmed. Shed some new light. Even if it's a topic of choice, there should be clear, earnest argument/point you want to make. "I am a reallly happy person." - not to sure if that cuts it? Perhaps you can use your "happiness" and show your plans for the future or atleast emphasize the "how I change people with my happiness" part of the essay.
You should lay off the monotony... even if you are :)ing!
morris7692: can you elaborate on how you think my essay does not have enough structure?
and thank you everyone for helping with my essay, i really appreciate it (=
your cause is a good one, I wish someone did that every time I am stressed
thanks neigena! but can someone grammar check this essay? i also need to figure out a way to shorten it..
for exapmle you say that you loved happiness many times. find a synonym for love and happy. it will seem less repetative. you also repeat "as a child" too. if you structure part of this essay as your childhood and the other about the things you did freashman year and about your cause you wouldnt have to use that saying as much because they will know you are still talking about you childhood.
i hope this helps!
can you read mine again? i added more. thanks!
you guys make me all very happy! thank you so much! can anyone help shorten this essay though? i need to shorten like 200 words in 3 hours!
(and anymore grammar checks would be good too)
to morris- i will read yours!
to cheetah- where is yours?
if its the jan 1st deadline you have til tomorrow 11:59...
no its due today for yale =) can you help me shorten?
Wow that essay was a lot better. I wish I could have helped you shorten and tighten it up a bit, but I was busy last night :( sorry
