I know there is a lot to read here but I would be very grateful if anyone could give me some insight on my essays. I'm planning on transferring after completing my sophomore year if that helps. Here is the prompts as well as my essays:
1.Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
As a senior in high school, I was faced with one of the hardest decisions I've had to make in my young life: pack up and leave my family and friends behind to attend a university in another part of the state or attend The University of Michigan-Dearborn and remain at home, just a few miles away from campus. After applying to several different schools across the state and weighing all of my options, I decided The University of Michigan-Dearborn was the best choice for me.
At that time, I had convinced myself I didn't want to follow the traditional college path of moving away for school knowing that I would enjoy the small, close knit community that the University of Michigan-Dearborn had to offer. At the beginning of my first year all of these conceptions had held true. It was easy for me to drive ten minutes to school, go to classes, attend a group meeting, and then drive back home. It was simple for me and there was nothing to worry about aside from school and work; I liked it that way. As the year continued, I realized that staying home may not have been the best choice after all. I have had several visits to Ann Arbor and enjoyed the large, energetic, and diverse environment that the University of Michigan provides. I knew then that that is where I wanted to be. Ever since I had the chance to be apart of the crowd of one hundred thousand cheering fans at the Big House and got the opportunity to discover the diverse, ever-changing culture of the city, I've become enamored with the atmosphere that the University of Michigan has to offer.
Although I have done well at the Dearborn campus I have found that due to the newness of the bioengineering program, I have been faced with a lack of research opportunities. I am very interested in having the chance to do real world, practical research in Biomedical Engineering subjects that a larger, well-established program can provide. With multitudes of research areas and topics covered at the University of Michigan, I know I will have all the opportunities I need to help further medical technology before I even graduate.
As my transcript can attest, I have done very well at UMD and I am positive that I will excel under the curriculum offered at the University of Michigan. I know that the endless opportunities and challenging environment at University of Michigan-Ann Arbor will be the next step on my path to my future and will help me to establish my professional presence in the field of Biomedical Engineering.
2. Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.
Growing up I found it difficult to assign myself to a community I belonged to. Doing a wide range of different activities in my hometown and pursuing my interests exposed me to so many different groups of unique people that I never really connected myself strongly to any one community. Over the past few years, I have realized that rather than identifying myself with any single group, it was my connection to all of these groups that defined who I am. As a result of this, I consider myself a proud member of the Dearborn community and all of the groups I have been a part of within it.
To me, Dearborn is more than just a city; it is and always will be the place I call home. All of the experiences I have had here molded me into the person I am today. From the Friday nights under the lights on my high school football field to working at multiple local businesses I have experienced my city's growth and diversity on a very personal level. Being such a major factor in my development, I found it necessary to give back to my community as much as possible. I volunteered for multiple groups including the Dearborn Animal Shelter, Dearborn Firefighters Burn Drive, Meals on Wheels and a tutoring program at my former high school. All of these organizations have given me a great deal of respect for my community and it's members.
Just as I have done in Dearborn, I am positive that I will become a proud member of both the Ann Arbor and University of Michigan community.
As the year continued, I realized that staying home may not have been the best choice after all. --- This is not a great transition sentence. You should use a constrast connectors and start a new paragraph.
The first essay is too general. I gather that you want to transfer because the new school is diverse, energetic and challenging but every school claim to be so. Secondly, I don't get why a person who chose the close-knit university is attracted to a diverse one. I know that people change but you don't show the process of changing here. Talk more in detail about it or cross the part out entirely.
