Prompt: Why do you want to participate in the Cal Summer Experience Program and what personal achievements and circumstances qualify you to be in CSE?
Introduction of Cal Summer Experience Program:
My family immigrated to America after I finished high school in China. As new immigrants, my family has struggled adapting to a new life and culture [Why did your family immigrate to America?]. Due to my parents' poor English and our unstable financial status, we had to live in a very small apartment in poor conditions. I worked part-time as a waiter to help my family. From this job, I became more mature and independent as I learned how to manage my money.
While I had to face many challenges [Like what?], my desire to acquire knowledge and my passion for Physics never diminished. I went to local libraries and read about various topics in undergraduate-level Physics such as heat conduction, particle diffusion, and quantum mechanics. Despite my family's financial disadvantage and cultural conflict, I work very hard to achieve my goals and contribute to my community. I joined CCSF Honors Program and completed my Math Honors project. I got a 3.80 cumulative grade point average and was placed on CCSF Dean's Scholarship List. Moreover, I participated in the AMATYC Competition and won the first place among all CCSF participants and the 15th place among 353 competitors in the west region. I won the AMATYC scholarship from math department for my outstanding accomplishment in the competition.
Last semester, I volunteered at the YMCA three hours per week to teach Chinese immigrants basic English. This semester, I mentor Asian immigrant students in LERN 50 and help them understand various math and science concepts. I develop my leadership skills and improve my teaching and communication abilities through these activities. Next semester, I plan to volunteer as a tutor in Asian Pacific American Student Success Program (APASS) to help students with their class materials and homework. I want to demonstrate my commitment my community and improve my communication, teaching, and leadership skills.
I plan to transfer to UC Berkeley and continue my upper division studies in Physics. However, because I am a first-generation immigrant and first-generation college student who did not attend high school in America and enrolled in a community college, I did not complete the A through G requirements and know little about the academy, its research opportunities, and campus life at UC Berkeley. Moreover, since I come from a low-income family, I need financial aid and scholarship information, as well as an evaluation from the college. Therefore, I believe the Cal Summer Experience will help me understand the campus's resources and upper division course requirements, preparing me to succeed at UC Berkeley.
Due to my parent's language limitation and our financial disadvantage, we had to live in a very small apartment in poor condition. I did a part-time job as a waiter to help my family.
... better you re-phrase this to give each idea a more weight;
My parents were not proficient in English and this hindered their chances from getting good jobs. Our financial status too was not stable and we had to live in a very small apartment with very basic conditions. I worked part-time as a waiter to help my family meet ends.From this job, I became mature and independent and learned how to manage my money. While I had to face a lot of challenges, my desire to acquire knowledge and my passion for physics never diminished. I went to libraries to read books on various topics of undergraduate level physics such as heat conduction, particle diffusion, and quantum mechanics.
However, this job made me a matured and independent person; I learned the value of money and managed it properly. Though the life challenges didn't leave me alone, my desire for acquiring knowledge in the field of Physics, about which I had always been passionate about, didn't diminish.temptprovidence
Proficient means more that you are talented at something, like better than average, while sufficient means that you are barely good enough. You generally use proficient when describing people, in the form of "He is proficient in math," or "She is a proficient swimmer."
You generally use sufficient when talking about something other than people, like "Three pages is sufficient for this assignment," or "In sufficient amounts, this gas is toxic." However, you can also say a person is sufficient.
