"I was a hard worker and a good athlete" - my essay fo Boston University

Prompt-In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community

When I found out that I would have to write a essay describing myself in three word I knew It wasn't going to be easy. Only three words, I could think of at least a good ten words to describe myself. So how was I going to narrow down my choices to the three best words? I decided to ask my friends and family for some inspiration. My parents told me I was a hard worker and a good athlete. While my brother told me I was a great sister and that I made the best spaghetti in the world. When I talked to me friends they said I was funny and a very good leader. Ultimately I finally found the three word that best describe me are comedic, hard working and creative.

Ever since I was little I've always been smiling and laughing. If you saw me and my friend walking down the street you would probably see me laughing or joking about something. I feel like life is to short and everyone must be able to stop for a moment and have some fun. When my grandmother died I was so depressed that I stay at home for a whole week. The thing that help me feel better was looking back on pictures and laughing at the good times we had together. I think that being comedic is one of my best traits. It helps me get through this crazy thing we call life and it help me be more social when meeting new people. Even though I know how to have a good time it doesn't mean I don't know when to be serious.

I have been playing sport all my life and they have showed me to work hard for all my goals. When I find something I want I work hard for it and push myself to be the best. Coming into high school I wasn't the best student and my grades showed it. But since I am a hard worker every year my grade got better and I began to improve in the classroom. I may not have the highest GPA in my class but I am the hardest worker. I know that whatever I do I will put my best into it to have the best results.

I never liked being like everyone else. I always wanted to do things different and be unique. My creative side comes from my love for art and music. I believe in discovering new ways to do things and not following what everyone else dose. When my band teacher told the class there would be solos at the concert many signed up for it. Most people did famous pieces of music while I composed my own piece and performed it. Nothing feels better than being the first to do something.

All in all I feel that these three characteristics best describe me. They show what I can bring to Boston University as a student. I will get along with other students and have a good time while working hard in my studies. I also will be contributing my creativity to arts programs that the university provide. My characteristics will help me show the greatness of Boston University to the rest of the world.

Your essay really answers the prompt, which is good; but you don't want to be safe.

Your intro needs work because it sounds a little bit cliche.

Your conclusion needs to be stronger. End with a bang. :]

You could also reword some of your sentences.
for example:
"I believe in discovering new ways to do things and not following what everyone else does. "

I suggest: "I believe in the power of ingenuity and not subjecting to the confines of conformity" (something like that)

Make your diction a little bit sophisticated. :]

Overall nice job on really elaborating on your character traits. Your tone is very light-hearted and really suits your personality.

thank you i will really work on going more on depth

I see that you capitalized "It" by mistake.. but... it must just be a typo.

I'll add some commas:
Ever since I was little, I' ve always been smiling and laughing. If you saw me and my friend walking down the street, you would probably see me laughing or joking about something. I feel like life is to short, and everyone must be able to stop for a moment and have some fun. When my grandmother died , I was so depressed that I stay at home for a whole week.

This essay has a nice quality that I cannot easily describe. It has a nice spirit. I think you should write a little more about your clear plan for the future, though.