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hardships you have faced? How have you dealt with them, and the outcomes.


zfanfore 2 / 5  
Jul 21, 2013   #1
December 15, 2010 was one of your typical gloomy days; the wind was blowing, the trees were shaking and the sky was grey. Nonetheless, the weather did not affect my excitement on that day because winter recess had just started, and I was traveling. I had never traveled before in my life and just the thought of going to the airport gave me butterflies in my stomach. "It's time to go [name] !" said my mother standing by the car. I took one last glance at my one way Port-au-Prince, Haiti to New York, U.S.A. ticket-I was ready to leave, but I never suspected that it was the beginning of a new chapter of my life.

As a young boy, my life in Haiti always revolved around my parents. They would do everything for me, and I was content with that. Now that I had moved to the U.S. at my uncle's I was pretty much on my own. "Mom and Dad are not here anymore [name], we have to take care of ourselves from now on" I would often tell myself looking at the mirror in the morning. At first, this task seemed to be daunting; I was new to the country, my language skills were very poor and I had to go to a new school. Back then, everything was so different: the roads going up and down, the skyscrapers bigger than anything I had seen before, and even the white snow. It was the first time I had seen snow in my whole life and it was pretty amazing. I had to get used to that abrupt change as fast as possible.

School was a whole different story for itself. I was in the middle of my freshmen year when I moved, and everything I had learned in French, had to be translated to English. I remember that being perhaps the most difficult part of the transition. I had to study twice as hard as my classmates, while learning English as fast as I could, if I wanted to continue the curriculum I started back in Haiti. I did not know anything about the school system in New York, and the only way I was going to find was by asking others, despite the fact that I would rather stay in my comfort zone. Fortunately though, as I learned to find my way around the new school environment, I had the opportunity to meet some great people from China, Ecuador, Guyana and even other Haitians who became my best friends. They gave me valuable information about how the school works, and if it weren't for what I learned from them, I would not have succeeded my goal of completing the school year successfully.

Three year later, here I am sitting at my desk writing this essay for my college application. As I move my hands across the keyboard, I can't help but think about how my old self behaved, and it makes me realize how much I have changed. At some point in life, we all experience a time that made us become more or less like adult; a time when we grow as a person, without any doubt I would say that moving to New York was my rite of passage.

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Plz! Give good and well explained opinions. I was on a mental block for like 12 hrs and that is the best I could come up with...*I know it's terrible* but any suggestions? It needs to be less than 500 words but its 545...What should I remove?
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jul 21, 2013   #2
Plz! Give good and well explained opinions. I was on a mental block for like 12 hrs and that is the best I could come up with...*I know it's terrible* but any suggestions? It needs to be less than 500 words but its 545...What should I remove?

For starters, you can remove the entire first paragraph.

This isn't "terrible," by the way.
OP zfanfore 2 / 5  
Jul 21, 2013   #3
ight, thx, any other suggestions? Also why remove it?
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jul 21, 2013   #4
It's like a five-minute opening theme song to a 30-minute TV show.
OP zfanfore 2 / 5  
Jul 21, 2013   #5
oh ok. About the body paragraph is it all right? For some reason I think its not good at all.
jkjeremy - / 380 72  
Jul 21, 2013   #6
It's disjointed.

You need a separate paragraph for each hardship that Haiti presented.


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