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My hardwork & dedication doesn't receive enough credit;UW Madison-Something goes unnoticed


chelseascheu 1 / 1 1  
Jan 8, 2014   #1
The prompt for the application for UW Madison is "Consider something in your life you think goes unnoticed and write about why it's important to you." It has to be 300-500 words. Mine is 360 about. This is mine, I'm open to all and as much revision as possible! Thanks! :)

I may be humble but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy being told I've made impressive efforts. I feel as if my hard work and dedication does not receive enough credit. For years I have worked my hardest to obtain the position I'm in today - independent, well-rounded, smart, and overall hardworking. I strive to be the best I can be, I put people's needs in front of mine, and I don't stop trying until I acquire what I want. Still, I rarely hear words of encouragement or congratulations or even, "keep up the good work". The main point I would like to focus on is how much I achieve on a daily basis, mostly involving my school work. It has always been important to me - and still is - to maintain a high grade point average. While I have kept mine between a 3.6 and 4.0 my entire high school career, people do not realize the demanding work behind those grades. It is true that sometimes intelligence comes naturally, which for me it does in some cases, but not all the time. When I notice my grade slipping I will put my hardest and uttermost work into raising my grade back up. I have been working hard since middle school knowing that it will greatly affect my future. People also don't realize that not only am I working hard in class but also outside of class. I am part of countless organizations and clubs, while I also go to church and have a job. I am a busy student and teenager aside from that. As someone who balances working every weekend and being in all these groups, including being president of one, I don't have much time to "not care" about school. Although I choose to give myself a huge load of work, and may get stressed at times, I would like to hear that I'm doing an amazing job rather than hearing it's my fault for putting it on myself. Others may not notice what I accomplish in and out of school, but looking at it now I see that it is an enormous amount and I'm proud of that.
Logophile 1 / 2  
Jan 10, 2014   #2
Sorry I just skimmed this but I really feel you should vary your sentence structure. I see a lot of "I -this-" and "I-that-" but that makes the whole paragraph very repetitive and redundant. Why not describe what you do to keep your grades up and an overview of your regular day/week instead?


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