Sooo...my essay is about track. Running on a weekly basis around my neighborhood.
Topic of my choice of course.
I cover my ears with my pillow to muffle the ear-splitting sound of my alarm clock. Blindly searching for the snooze button, a sudden though dawns, "Why do I do this to myself?"
Its 6:30 A.M.; not even a chirp or the dripping of morning dew can be heard. My weary body feels completely drained of energy. While rubbing my crusty eyes, still warm and comfortable in my bed, I am over overcome with the feeling of lethargy. "Perhaps I should just tell them I'm sick." Despite all my sulking, and the magnetic pull of my warm bed I still manage to force myself to get up every morning at this mind-boggling hour to join the track team and their rigorous workout.
Track, a sport that requires a strong body and mind, forces you to push your physical ability to the limit by testing your mental tenacity. I'm reminded everyday at practice that pain is just temporary and it's all in my head. Everyday is a new struggle to surpass yesterday's misery. I've understood and endured this agonizing conflict since I joined the team. And as convincing as my morning doubts are, I do not subject to them. Through pains, unfavorable conditions, and unfortunate weather, I run because I made up my mind three years ago to succeed.
Having the luxury to take the bus and car, I don't have any real reason to use my feet, especially if I'm looking to get somewhere. I don't need to run to the local fitness center to gain a muscular figure, for my slender frame doesn't require it. This exhausting run is different from a relaxing jog to the nearest Dunkin Donuts. I'm always pushing myself to run faster and farther not only for my team, but for my personal satisfaction. Somehow with unwearied commitment, I manage to run through the dark streets of my neighborhood only to be lit by flickering streetlights. In my mind I see a victory line that represents the results of hard work and the time that I am dying to achieve. I come to the realization that ambition and determination do not go in vain.
As much as it pains me to say, I enjoy the harsh workout every morning, even if it means waking up at such a dreadful hour. I enshroud the feeling of pain and suffering each day with the hope of success.
I like the storytelling, But in the end add something that you learned or that could contribute to the school if you are a student there. (eg. how by learning to push yourself with the hope of success is something you apply to the rest of your life)
Here's my advice:
While rubbing my crusty eyes, still warm and comfortable in my bed, I am over overcome with the feeling of lethargy. "Perhaps I should just tell them I'm sick." Despite all my sulking, and the magnetic pull of my warm bed, I still manage to force myself to get up every morning at this mind-boggling hour to join the track team and their rigorous workout.
Track, a sport that requires a strong body and mind, forces you to push your physical ability to the limit by testing your mental tenacity. I'm reminded everyday at practice that pain is just temporary and it's only in my head. Every day is a new struggle to surpass yesterday's misery.
In all it is a good essay. Good luck!
The beginning is great, but then I lose your point. "Through pains, unfavorable conditions, and unfortunate weather, I run because I made up my mind three years ago to succeed" would be a great thesis for an essay where you could go on to talk about why/how you made this decision and the effect it's had on your life. You have 500+ words for the common app essay, so I think you could develop your ideas a lot more. Great imagery, however.
Thank you guys! You make a good point...i read it over and realized i didn't have a true touch to the essay. I will repost it after touch ups and add-ons.
