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An essay for Harvard Leadership Conference for Taiwanese students


s61001234 7 / 14  
Apr 8, 2010   #1
Is the content too general?
Is it clear or powerful enough?
The deadline is within 5 hours

Any comment is appreciated^^
Thanks

Consider an issue that affects your community. How would you approach this problem? What steps would you take to resolve it?

Taiwan is long acclaimed for its rigorous and competitive science education. Besides winning numerous awards in Intel Science Fair, the Taiwanese representative team is usually ranked as one of the top five countries worldwide. However, behind all these impressive achievements, many Taiwanese students in the science track lack humanity compassion and the responsibility toward public issues. Why? Because the society values achievement and test scores more than extracurricular activities that cannot assure students a lucrative career. But why should we enhance students' interest in public issues? Because the future of Taiwan depends on the capability of our generation, especially when China has risen as a world economical power and has increasingly limited Taiwan from voicing in global conference. To raise student's awareness in public issues, I suggest three approaches: 1. stronger corroboration between schools and philanthropic organizations 2. Taiwanese Government and universities should hold more camps and speeches about public issues for students 3. The Taiwanese government should support more students to study abroad.

First and foremost, schools, especially high schools, should bond stronger cooperation with philanthropic organizations such as the Red Cross, World Vision, or Tzu Chi. Schools ought to connect students to intern or volunteer in these organization or other volunteer opportunities. When students volunteer, they will gain personal interactions with patients in the hospice or with homeless people. The sympathy and experience they had will motivate them to contribute to public welfare. Moreover, for passive students, schools can require students to complete certain hours of volunteering to graduate. In short, school administration plays an important role for encouraging students' interest in public issues.

Next, the government and universities can expose students to more public hearing, thereby inciting students to face the urgency of public issues. Take myself for instance. Last summer, because I participated the Sociology Camp held by National Taiwan University, I had the chance to visit Losheng Sanitarium. As I heard the lepers vividly shared their tragic stories with tears, a burden was placed in my heart to study public policy and help them in the future. Similarly, I believe that when my peers are exposed to these issues personally, they ought to be realize that these social injustice are not just news broadcast on televisions, but reality that some fights every day. And universities and the government hold the access to these issues.

Last but not the least, government should subsidized more study abroad opportunities which require students to serve in the government upon graduation. Studying abroad expands students' horizon because teenagers are exposed to different perspectives and mindsets. And as they perceive Taiwan from an "outsiders'" perspective, they will gradually compare the pros and cons of different countries and reflect how to improve Taiwan's politics and economy. For instance, though this is my first year in the USA, I realized that not many foreigners know about Taiwan, and some even confuse Taiwan with Thailand. I also felt the urgency of helping my homeland because I was deeply shocked when I wrote my Common Application, I had no option but to fill in "Taiwan, Province of China" in my nationality. This incident triggers me to reflect my days in National Taichung First Senior High, what we cared the most was how to get into medical school; while students from China aspire themselves to contribute to their country. In other words, if we lack these exposures to the real world, we would become ignorant frogs dwelling in our own little well.

All in all, the importance of raising students' interest in public issues can never be overemphasized. Ironically, though we have been taught to admire and follow the patriotism of Xin Qiji and Wen Tianxiang, few teens really determined to dedicate themselves to the country. However much official concerns are willing to support, if we students are still near-sighted and reluctant to put aside some of our personal benefits for our homeland, we will soon face imminent oppression and threats.
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Apr 8, 2010   #2
Because the society values achievement and test scores more than extracurricular activities that cannot assure students a lucrative career.

I'm not quite sure what you mean here. Also, you take a long time to build up to the point.

But why should we enhance students' interest in public issues?

who is we?

To raise student's awareness in public issues,

So I assume this is your goal, and also the problem that you are trying to address

stronger corroboration

stronger collaboration*
I'm sure that those steps you list are great steps, but they don't show how YOU would resolve the problem of non-extracurricular interest. Maybe add a more personal touch? ..if you have time

In short, school administration plays an important role for encouraging students' interest in public issues

, and what should they do with this role?

And universities and the government hold the access to these issues.

what do you mean by this? they hold access to those opportunities? public hearings?

These are all good ideas to motivate Taiwan's youth to self-determination, but what would YOU do personally? what steps will YOU take?

"I realized that not many foreigners know about Taiwan, and some even confuse Taiwan with Thailand." seriously:? "I had no option but to fill in "Taiwan, Province of China" in my nationality." Meh, Taiwan doesn't have official status as a nation, though some forms do place Taiwan separately. You should mention the independence issue. Totally fits here too. Time though :/ that's the problem

I like your ending. There's quite a few tense errors in here. Hope you catch them, but content is more important, focus on that

Strength- not quite the effect that shows you are an active person, though you have a few instances of motivation. You don't quite answer this either: "How would you approach this problem? "

Other than that, I like the point made here
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Apr 9, 2010   #3
As I heard the lepers vividly share their tragic stories with tears, a burden was placed in my heart, and now I am compelled to study public policy and help them in the future.

I also felt the urgency of helping my homeland because I was deeply shocked when I wrote my Common Application, I had no option but to fill in "Taiwan, Province of China" in my nationality.

Wow, this is an impressive insight.

This is really great. I see what Jon means about taking a long time to get to the point in the first paragraph. You can find a sentence to take out if you want to make it a little shorter. However, it is very good even as it is now!!


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