Harvey Mudd: How has your own background influenced the types of problems you want to solve? (500)
I have to shorten this essay like a looot...so please tell me if there are any parts I can just take out or if I'm repeating myself a lot. Also, idk if talking about disabled kids is considered a bad thing in a college essay, so if you think its super cliche or unoriginal pls tell
"1...2...3..." I count to ten, my voice straining to be calming yet heard over the screams of the kindergartener in front of me. He begins to count with me, his yells of protest turning into the rhythmic pattern. Like most of the other children in Miss Christina's class, Henry has a severe learning disability.
My mother has been a para-educator for as long as I remember, so there always seemed to be a connection between myself and her students, whether it was through the class photos she showed me or a story about her day. Despite this, I was hesitant to be put into the discomfort of interacting with those who faced these difficulties. But after my first few times volunteering in the kindergarten class where she worked, it was clearly evident that these students didn't deserve to have a label of homogeneous disability placed on them.
Yes, they were difficult to work with. Nevertheless, each child had their own nuances and complexities that needed to be individually understood. Henry crumples in tears at a simple command, as his perception of verbal direction is just a jumble of noise. But through the outlet of his love for drawing, we discovered that he is able to communicate through visual cues and pictures. Meanwhile, students like Daniel have physical disabilities that require a completely different learning style. With his cortical vision, visual cues are extremely difficult to process, so we have to communicate with him through auditory direction.
Working with my mother has taught me how to take apart an instruction or lesson that one could take for granted, and to learn how to restructure the communication in a way that fits each child's specialized needs. The blank stares that seem to be perpetually displayed on the faces of some severely disabled children I work with are often taken as an indication of incomprehension or the inability to be useful, but in reality, their mental processes aren't visible to everyone. Because of this, I've learned that there aren't any clear ways to know if what you're doing is correct or not, and the process of trying to make the path of communication for these kids is comprised mostly of trial and error and picking up on small details.
I like to think that my interest in engineering may have been influenced by this process of problem-solving that I experience every time I would help my mother. Deconstructing simple concepts for a completely different mind to understand and trying to find solutions for barriers of communication tailored to specific disabilities has given me the mindset that I need to succeed as an engineer. My curiosity in engineering was already sparked by math and science programs, but the decision to study this discipline is dependent on the innovative ways one approaches and solves a problem. This aspect of my background also shifted my budding interests in engineering toward a focus centered around human health. Seeing how many of these childrens' intelligent and conscious minds are trapped within disabled bodies is what motivates me to become a biomedical engineer so that I can be one of the bold thinkers who will aid in the advancements of diagnostic instruments or create artificial devices to replace body parts. I want to help a child with cerebral palsy walk using an internal medication pump, or allow a boy with down syndrome to hear and talk with better functioning cochlear implants. There are never certainties about my career in the future, but I know that I will be improving the lives of others and making a difference for those who cannot communicate for themselves.
Hi benivor,
paragraph 1, in my opinion, is not necessary. So you can delete it.
you can simplify or combine the sentences in paragraph 2, 3, and 4 so you can cut the word count. This way you can focus to present the last part of the essay which is the main idea of the essay.
hope this would help
Benivor, I'd like to share my thoughts on your essay.
I think what's making your essay quiet longer than expected is the fact that
you told a story and you got engrossed to the idea and this is the result.
Now, what I suggest is you revise the essay in a way that you streamline the idea and go straight to the point.
Hammer the center of the essay and what the prompt is asking you to write about, make sure that you
have a focus fro the beginning to the end of the essay.
One more thing, avoid unnecessary information in the essay, in doing so, make sure that you have covered
all the necessary information needed in the essay. Pay attention to the transition of your idea as well as
the presentation.
I also suggest that you keep your essay with just 2 paragraphs or max will be three, that should do it.
First paragraph for introduction, the body is your solution to the problem you wan to solve and the last one
is a personal insight and the ultimate resolution of the task at hand.
I hope to see your final essay very soon.
