the prompt is: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
Here is my essay (please help me. is it on-topic? and feel free to make any correction. thank you!
The horrible sound of the morning alarm, that interrupts my dreams, is the first thing I hear every morning. I always struggle to get up, and usually hit the snooze button. I finally get up after those ten more minutes I needed, and start to get ready to go to school. I, then, see my mom, who is also getting ready to go to work. As she sees my tired face, she starts to argue that is my fault for sleeping late. Like always, I ignore her. This is how I start my day.
Ever since I was a child, I hated the thought of having to get up every morning. As I grew up in Peru, my aunt, who took care of me, would struggle just to wake me up. I have few memories of my early childhood days, but all the moments I remember, my aunt is always there. When I was four years old, my mom went to the USA in search of a better life for her kids. Because of this, it was my aunt who was the only motherly figure I had. I was never sadden by this at all, because I knew my mom loved me. It was only during Mother's Day when I felt sad; because watching my classmates calling out "mom!" was the most hurtful experience. Back then, I never even thought of how my mom was doing; I didn't know all the hardships she was going through, instead, I was just jealous of my friends, who had their moms by their side.
Finally, when I was eleven years old I came to the USA. For the first time, after years, I saw my mom. It was like meeting a stranger, except that we both cried as we saw each other. I had always thought my mom was living the life here, but I realized that it was so much more than that. I finally got to see how she was living. She works seven days a week, all year round. Now, she's a school bus driver, but before she used to work in restaurants, and she still does on weekends. I even learned there was a time that my mom lived in New Jersey, alone. She has always been a hard-working woman since her teenage years. She took care of her brothers like if they were her own son, to the point where she even sacrifice her dream of being a nurse to make my uncle's dreams come true. And now, she's doing the same thing for my brothers and me.
I think it is funny how I always complain about waking up, even when I'm not that tired, and then, there is my mom; who has been tired all her life, yet even till now has not made a single complain. When my mom comes from work, no matter how hard her day was, she will greet me with a big smile and a warm hug, just like always. I truly admire her, and I wish one day I become a women like her; strong and hard working with a big heart. Even though, I didn't live my childhood next to her, she has made a great impact in my life, and it's because of her that I am the person I am today. Because of her, I learned what true success means; even though she didn't make her dreams of being a nurse come true, she has managed to make such difference in my life. Because of her, I learned that true success come in various ways. The only way I can ever repay everything she has done for me, is to make her dreams come true by making mine come true. Then I'll know that she will be smiling and part of her will be at peace.
The horrible sound of the morning alarm, that interrupts my dreams, is the first thing I hear every morning.
I would describe the sound of the alarm clock and delete either 'interrupts my dreams' or 'is the first thing I hear'. Try to elaborate on why you need those ten minutes.
I finally get up after those ten more minutes I needed
Try to elaborate on why you need those ten minutes.
This is how I start my day
Instead of talking about how your typical day starts in your previous sentences, focus on one normal day so that this line would be grammatically correct. Also make this the end of the first paragraph.
Now, she's a school bus driver, but before she used to work in restaurants, and she still does on weekends.
Make a separate sentence for the fact that she used to work in restaurants.
There are lots of grammatical errors here and there and unfortunately I can't point out all of them. Otherwise I think the essay answers the question since we can see that you want to succeed for your mother's sake and your desire to repay your mother for her struggles is central to your identity.
As she sees my tired face, she starts to argue that is my fault for sleeping late.
As she sees my sleepy face, she starts accusing me for staying late in the night.Like always, I ignore her. This is how I start my day.
.... interesting way to start your day :D
As I grew up in Peru, my aunt, who took care of me, would struggle just to wake me up
... Why did you bring in Peru there? What's the significance?
When I was four years old, my mom went to the USA in search of a better life for her kids.
Well, you talked about your mom grumbling about you staying late in the night. So, did it happen before you were 4 years? That's a bit difficult to understand and you may not be able to convince your reader on that :(
