Health Studies Program [AIF] -University Of Waterloo Entrance

Can someone help me with this, thank for helping!

University of Waterloo application essay

Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program please discuss your interest in each program. (900 character limit)

I always want to become a professional healthcare leader and cooperate with colleagues to lead strategizing the optimal human health promotion and development for the healthcare system. Personally, I am interested in problem solving, pushing the comfort zone to limit and creating a great future for following generations. To one step closer to goal accomplishment, I applied to Health Studies Honoured at the University of Waterloo. The program is known for its non-traditional health study, enabling students to learn with a larger vision of health promotion, disease prevention and healthcare services that interferes strongly with my desire. Furthermore, the University of Waterloo is popular for advanced technology innovations, its innovative laboratories give me wide opportunities of having hands on work besides theoretical learning. My sub-goal for experiment conduction is to find the most efficient operating method, optimizing speed and accuracy. Side-by-side with learning, implementing knowledge and skills to actual health cases is essential. An extensive Co-op of the Health Studies program fosters students growth by providing an actual working environment where I can learn much more for other students and professors.

The academic goal is acceptable and highly specific. It covers both an academic and professional reference. However, your personal goal is forgettable, uninformative, and does not really help the reviewer to understand what your personal interest in the course is or how your personal experiences have affected your decision to enroll in the course. The word interfere in the passage below represents incorrect word usage:


Are you really telling the reviewer that you are interested in a course that is blocking or obstructing your desire to learn? I am sure you did not mean to refer to coming to an opposition about something related to healthcare right? Think about what you want to really say in that sentence and then, rewrite it. Aside from these observations, the overall statement is acceptable already as a response to the prompt.

Thank you for your evaluation. I would notice it.