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"healthy eating and exercise" - the world you come from and how it shaped your dreams


egirl93 1 / -  
Nov 21, 2010   #1
Growing up, eating salad and fresh fruit is a given at dinnertime. My family is very committed to healthy eating and weekly exercise. I grew up in a household where my mother cooked dinner for us every night, and practically the only place we ate out would be Fresh Choice. Every time we go out to a new place, my dad makes a huge fuss about trans-fat. This "fuss" was due to heart disease running in my family. Many more had this fear but never really took the time to take action to prevent it. I knew that others needed education and encouragement to live with this mentality, which is hard to change if you do not grow up in that type of environment. I wanted others to realize the importance of healthy living and spark that change in people's attitudes.

With my family's help, I found out about the American Heart Association, an association invested in finding cures and raising awareness about heart disease. By joining and forming my own Heart Walk team, I would be able to put my marketing skills to good use along with raising awareness on an important issue that is affecting millions. Because the disease is the number one killer in America, I was up and ready to take on the challenge. I combined my own personal Heart Walk team with that of the Kaiser Volunteer Team. I spent the whole summer of my junior year creating fundraiser ads online, emailing friends and relatives, and networking with others to raise donations for this organization. Many times, there were people who would turn a blind eye to me or make excuses as to why they couldn't donate. Even with all my action, I couldn't help but feel discouraged at times. However, I had to remain positive and move forward in my quest. With my persistence and determination, I struck a chord with many people and was able to raise over $1,000! The benefits of communicating awareness are essential skills necessary for success in any non profit organization. Being able to promote a cause, to lead a winning team, and to communicate awareness for people of all ages are necessary traits for entering the business world.

To paraphrase a portion of a famous quote by Winston Churchill, you make a life by what you give. Forming my own Heart Walk team allowed me to market to others the importance of a healthy lifestyle and gain experience in a non profit organization. As a leader in service and fundraising, I am prepared to be the voice of hope, for those who need to be heard.

*Please butcher this essay and critique as much as possible please!
linmark 2 / 328 7  
Nov 29, 2010   #2
This read more like an essay on "significant achievement" or "worthy cause" or important extracurricular activity" than one on how the world you come from shaped your dreams... Goals and dreams are subtly different, one is more aspirational, more eternal, less placed in the here and now.

For example: this is your mission statement, not a dream:

I wanted others to realize the importance of healthy living and spark that change in people's attitudes.

Did you dream of doing this?


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